So we are here, moved in. It feels amazing. I'm completely overwhelmed with joy, excitement, gratitude, humbleness, thanksgiving, praise.
It feels good to be here, and oh so right. It's home.
I absolutely love it. Riley is so thrilled and loves her new pink room.
We are adjusting pretty well. And sometimes it really feels like a dream to be here .
Soon i'll post pictures. All the boxes are out of the house i just have to finish doing the finishing touches.
Dave is going to be picking up some hours at a local coffee shop - which should be fun- hopefully he'll actually enjoy it - the boy loves coffee and i think he's gonna love the fact that now he'll know how to make all the drinks . i'm sure by they end of it he'll think he's the best barista =) and i know he will be to me.
We have our super big appointment on monday - we'll find out all about what is going on with little zoe and what we are gonna do with her =)
Momma sue is on her way with my flowers - i'm wondering how i'm going to get them into the ground- we maybe asking her for help. we'll see.

The house really is great. thanks for all the prayers during this crazy time. it feels great to be settled and to be here .

God is doing some really awesome things- i'm not sure what all he is doing - i just know he is working . He provides and it's awesome to watch him provide, and to get to see him work.
I'm continually excited to see what will be happening next and what he has planned for us.
What a crazy crazy journey it is.

thanks for reading.

btw if you are a mom and have not read a mothers heart by jean fleaming i highly suggest it.

Living with your parents for 2 weeks is a wonderful way to get to see your own ugly behavior in others......and to motivate you not to be that way. Be more like Christ less like me .
That sure does get tested here. i have a harder time not living in the flesh in certain moments and loving on them.
I'm ready to be in our home - our new wonderful home in town. i'm ready.
i'm hoping we get in early but at the same point in the end as long as i'm in it - i don't care. i just want to be there.

So life has been a little chaotic. And probally will be for the next month.
We sold our house - and are actually moving- we close on the 15th.
We have found a house- it's kind of been a long road on trying to get the contract worked out but we are almost there i think. We'll be moving into that house on the 29th. so yes for two weeks we will be without a home. que the crazy pregnant woman now.
I'm doing better today about it - earlier this week when time was ticking and we had no clue what was going on or happen i had a few emotional distress breakdowns.
hopefully we can during the two weeks the people want to live in the house after closing get in and paint- it would be oh so nice and make life easier. expecially for a nesting pregnant lady who can't do anything - and already had a nursery done- i've nested in one house and now will get to do it all over again.
i don't know if i will post again until after i've gotten settled - the next two weeks i'll be packing and loading up a pod and moving things to a storage unit as well.
hopefully this will not be as hard and stressful as it feels in my mind.
i am very greatful that it looks like we are getting the house we want and looking forward to see what God is going to be doing.
please pray for us during this crazy time.
i'll probally post pictures once everything is perfect =)
i unpacked us and moved us all in one day to the house we are moving out of -
this time i'm pregnant and moving and realizing that i may not be able to do that again- so i'm trying not to have any expectations and just take it one step at a time and see how it all pans out - pray for that -
thanks for reading.

So i have been busy to say the least and enjoying being able to move about - and enjoying the wonderful weather and breezes that come through - this short time before it gets hot in mississippi is my fav. time of the year next to fall.
I've been nesting , as usual. But the bebe room is finished! (well minus the pillows for the bed) I'm actually washing some of Riley's baby clothes to put in the room. Today she saw what david and i worked on last night - basically hanging everything and putting up new pictures in the house - and she noticed zoe's bookshelf was empty- her response- She needs some books i'll give her some of mine- just about melted my heart. So i put some books on that girls shelf so riley would be happy =)

The week Carrie was here was absolutely wonderful. i reallly enjoyed having her here. It was so nice to have a sister here, and to talk to , and to watch our kids play together - even if sometimes the girls would not share. It was nice. I'm hoping maybe she will be able to come back down in august when i am due. we'll see.
I also got to make strawberry preserves with a woman from my church this past weekend- and i have to say that was my fav. day - we stayed home ALL day. we made preserves in the morning and did gardening in the afternoon and finished off the day with putting the crib together. And waht was amazing was the crib was so easy to put together and david and i didn't try to kill eachother once - it was the best! usually we have a spat when we put things together but not this time =) .

Monday i spent the entire day painting while david was out of town - which was really nice - the painting part that is. And today i waged war on the things in my yard - moles and ants.
Carrie for my birthday gave me some of mary's flowers- probally the best gift ever- so i'm very protective of them- i've created this little garden get away in the back yard and play area for us to relax. well there are moles in the area and i want them gone - so i found out this really nifty trick - put a piece of bounce dryer sheets in the mole holes - regular bounce is perfumed with oleander which is a poison - and the animals smell it and move away - then for the ants i put grits - the regular kind uncooked , not the instant , around their ant hills - well when they eat them they pop, and they take the food back to the queen and she pops.
Now for my flowers i added two tablespoons of maple syrup around the base of the flowers - this helps bring in the moisture better and draw in the good bugs to help the soil.
i know i can't believe any of this either - but you can find all this and more in this nifty book called gardening magic by joey greene- simply the best.

Anyways so i took pictures today of all that we have been up too and i'm going to attempt to post them here - we'll see how it goes.





the painting above the crib is one of the ones i did on monday , in the middle i'm going to put a verse and then around it in the white border i'll add the birthdate , weight , and time born , plus full name.

this is so you can see the cutsy chester drawer david and i painted and re did - the day pic didn't turn out great.


there are some cute pillows we are having done by my friends mom , that have the same colours as the painting a did , one with the strips , and then the other is green with the polk a dots- real cutsy.
































the blue room is our room we added in my old bed , and the picture above the dresser is one i painted as well. we moved my fav. chair in our room - which was great i was scared i wasn't gonna have a place for it .
in the orange room our living room we added a picture above the rocker- which is a collage of our trip to new york last year that i put together monday as well.






the crazy line painting is mine as well. it's a personal take on the picture of community.




this is my outside area that i made last week . the concrete area is riley's play and picnic area -


this is the garage behind david's band room- he cleaned it out and organized it for me - what a sweety.

that is riley's playground. it's really fun to lay on the ground on a quilt underneath that tree.

these are growing along the fence line in the other part of the yard- i absolutely love them- they are a pure gift from God cause we never planted them and this is the first year they appeared. fun fun.

david cleared out all my boxes and put in pine straw , i planted some seedlings - we'll see if they grow.
my fav. tree in the whole yard- it's white and just beautiful .

riley made this pot for my last year for mothers day. it's sitting at the back door and i just added that flower to it .

Hope you enjoyed the pictures- there sure where a lot. =) i took them with my semi new canon that i have no idea how to work - i've got the manual and i think i'm going to actually read thru it tonight- cuase i know it can do wonders.

Anyways
Thanks for reading.

Craziness...... this past weekend on a whim we decided to tackle the baby room and our room.
a friend of ours was kind enough to help us out . very kind.
so we have the new bed set up and it's a dream and we have more space than before! which is great. i just can't get up in the bed cause it's so high - which is gonna be a problem when i get fatter- looks like shortie is gonna need a step stool.
The babies room is coming together. We painted the chester drawers and it looks like new. i love it!
One problem- the baby bed is missing parts- it was bought at a church consignment sale and well getting the problem fixed was not likely. I was devastated. David had worked so hard and we were so close and i was going to put the bedding on and put riley's baby zoe in the bed .... yeah i had major plans....major nesting plans.
But my mom came to the rescue and is buying us a crib on friday- so the plans are a little delayed but it is still coming together. Which is really excited.
During the packing and moving of things to and from the storage unit we found this box.
After i had riley i worked for the health department with wic as a breast feeding consultant peer counselor- yeah lots of words . Well we got tons of samples while i worked there and this box has them all. It was packed full with detergent samples and baby diapers and breast pads- it was a pregnant womans buried treasure. I was pumped.
I'm really excited about everything coming together and being able to put everything in it's place.
yes very ocd. but yet so satisfying .

Carrie, my sister in law and her children are in town for the week and i'll be spending the majority of time this week with them. I'm hoping to actually try to possibly post some pictures of the house next week once i get it all finished.

There probably won't be too many posts this week due to family and all that is going on.
I'm gonna be trying to paint some pictures this week or weekend as well.
David will be leaving for gulfport on monday so maybe around then it will be a good time for a distraction.

Thanks for reading.

- i'm starting to give into this whole posting pictures thing......

I just got to use my new food processor and man am i in love. I got it to use for my projects and also because a lot of vegan recipes call for blending . And this one works like a dream .


I tend to get these ideas or passions to do things and what happens is i wanna do em all at once, and well david hates it cause sometimes i'll have the best of intentions to make something or eat something and the ingredients just sit there and it never happens- he hates it .
So now i tend to just do one at a time i have a new project to make each week - i've learned.
This week was bubble tea - oh how i love bubble tea.
Now david really thought this was a bad idea and was not convinced that i would do it.
Oh will he be so happy when he gets home.
Those little things at the bottom of the tea are tapioca pearls- i also made the sugar syrup that goes in the tea as well.
Mine was a mango tea. and it is delicious.
Tomorrow i may do it again since i have the supplies already made.

Tonight we're also going to make some vegan kung pao chicken to take with me tomorrow for a fellowship dinner.

It feels really good to do things - like make bubble tea and cook..
I like this whole being at home thing with Riley it's very much a gift.

Nesting....again.


So i've been nesting like crazy. Just a mad woman full of nesting. I'm 5 months and on a mission. To have the best home ever- yes a stretch but i'm determined to have the house the way i'd like it . 100% . The big problem is not only am i nesting but i'm ocd, and a pack rat. i know it makes no sense. So what was suppose to start out as an innocent clear out my perfumes and fix the shelfing in my closet turned out to be - clear out closet , re organize - clean up riley's closet and move baby things to babies closet. Wash baby linens. And clean out my desk and box up what i don't need and somehow find a place for what i need.
Which was : 1- way too much for me too do , 2- way too much- which i was majorly convicted aout through out the night and know i can't do that again. But it got done- Riley helped. My closet is a dream once again and i like it better than when we moved in. Riley's closet is nice and clean and polished with everything in order. Zoe's closet has riley's box full of baby clothes and toys , clean linens , one of those baby bouncer vibrating chairs (i wish i had one for myself) and clothes that are going to be way too big for her but will fit one day so i'm putting em in there. So everyone is in order and my desk is ready to be moved out. I love when things look polished and put together - i get a sense of accomplishment when everything has a place and order- man am i ocd.

The desk was the worst of all because of all the papers and junk- things i didn't need but i had and just stuff. But it was fun to go thru some memories that were hidden in there. My favorite thing i came acorss was from my First baby shower for Riley- my cousin put it together. They had this game or activity wehre they handing out tags and on one side you write when you think i'll deliver and how much the bebe will weigh on the other side you offer some advice or encouragement. She (my cousin) then took all of these pieces and made a book out of it. Yesterday i found this treasure , and snuggled in the encouragement and notes was my mother in laws word of encouragement....... i was stunned and was of course brought to tears what she wrote was perfect and timeless and i have a hand written piece of advice from her for me with my children ( and she signed it Mama Sprayberry- which she was ) ....i am so uber thankful for that gift- it's now sitting in Riley's room on her shelf.

I think that is the hardest or one of the hardest parts about this pregnancy i don't have her- I don't have her timeless advice and encouragement and endless outflowing of unconditional love. How i miss her and crave her .

No one can ever , ever , ever replace her . NEVER. but i have found myself praying for a spiritual moma to come into my life. someone. If it's God's will. I may have used up that though- maybe you only get one per life and my time with mine was so super short. But so precious and sweet.
My mother is not the most motherly type and definatly not the most spiritual or even a picture of unconditional love. So i really crave that influence not only in my life but in riley's , oh i want it for her. Am i to be the only one ....if so for her , that scares me. Completely.
I'm greatful i'll have my husband this time around to take leave time to be with me after Zoe comes but i want that mama figure here too. I think i took her for granted too many times in the beginning.

.....that's really all i can write right now about her or that without completely loosing it as i'm seeing i'm going down that road so i'm going to change the subject quickly........

I'm very excited about getting the bebe room together and Riley is excited as well.
This weekend we'll be finding frames for pictures to hang and finding fabric for pillows to pull the room together.
I hopefully will have her dresser this weekend- which i'm excited about.

Today my mini projects maybe organizing and cleaning out a burrow and sowing some patches on Rileys quilt back together- there are a few splits and i've been meaning to fix if for forever.


Thanks for Reading.

Yesterday i went to church for the first time in forever - because i was actually allowed out of my house to walk . i could go somewhere. so i went to church with my family. And after church the most dreaded question was asked : Where do you want to go eat.   

I'm on an all vegan diet what do you mean where do you want to go eat. The one place my husband knew would be a semi pleaser got a  bad look of please not there from the others.

Oh the pressure - oh the torture of being put on the spot - i thought i would pee my pants from the torture. as sweet was dripping down my forhead from the way too much attention being drawn to me to pick a place for everyone to eat. I finally just said to eat at backyard burger- because they had potatoes and it was way cheaper than anywhere else  they were naming and The last thing i wanted to shout out under the pressure was dang it people we are poor! poor! we can't eat a 20 -30 dollar meal for all of us - think 10 or none at all. Please just let us go home and be poor and eat our own food at our house! pleasE!!!!!!!! But i was trapped in the corner and put on the spot - next time after church i'm running for the car! 

Anyways so i picked this place that the last time i ate there i got sick too- why had i forgotten the day before my er visit. WHY?!?! 

so we went husband fed-check, daughter fed- check-  rest of family seemingly happy cause they like to eat out ALL the time - check. me - i got chicken- why i dunno i thought i might see if i could get some protein and i had some baked potatoe - and i couldn't eat it plain-  yes this place was so not on my diet.   fast forward to this morning. 

Yeah i got sick , sick again like i did the beginning of this year. but the last zofran i took i happened to keep down. Of course my husband was on the phone with me all this time this morning . telling me it'd be ok- i told him i was dieing of course- 

i'm doing better now that the medicine is kicking in for once. But my husband during the sickness and sounds and being married to the toliet told me he's going to gulfport in a few weeks for work.....overnight......without me. 

I'm going to need a babysitter for me . He cannot leave me alone. I don't know how to function anymore without him- this is not good. i'm already looking for someone to just come hang out for the evening no spending the night- just making sure that i don't fall on the floor and die or end up in the er - i mean anything is possible with this pregnancy.  David suggested that i go to my parents and my head exploded- because i could not fathom packing myself or someone else plus throwing a dog in the action......and i'm not suppose to pick up anything......yes head exploded and then i had to go take more medicine and make more sounds for my poor husband to hear. he deserves a reward for this pregnancy for what he has put up with and helped out with as well. So we both agreed - i needed supervision. 24- 48 hrs without him or without help is going to be too much.  So i need a babysitter. 

But i'm doing a little better now - i may even eat a pure vegan blt tonight for dinner- how i crave the combo of just bacon and tomatoes together-  even if it's vegan bacon and vegan mayo-  basically everything i eat is just tofu.....it all comes from tofu every last bit of it  and dang it do they make it taste good enough- they do. and i can eat it and i am greatful. God bless the tofu! 

thanks for reading -

there is currently nothing more intoxicating to me than fish sticks- i baked some for Riley for lunch and i wanted to goble up the whole batch.... that's the thing as a pregnant woman you crave things , most of the time things you can't eat or that you dn't eat- mine was a can't eat. oh well. i'm still on a quest to find the vegan version- which may mean i have to make my own who knows.

So i finally got some sunshine yesterday and today - though it rained in between- and my yard feels like a river ran through it . we have another bad wave of storms coming thru tonight and then we'll be in the clear. We're going to be trying to box up everything in the soon to be baby room tomorrow. I feel like the next few days will be busy in the sens of just there are things that we need to do around the house- but it will be nice. =)
On the way outside to survey the yard to see if there was any damage ( the only thing was a loose piece of siding that hopefully david can just pop back in today) i noticed my dog. we have a corgi / chihuahha mix. He's special. He likes to tear the stuffing out of things like his toys - i finally last year found bedding that he didn't try to tear apart in one day. Well i guess he doesn't like his bed anymore. Because for the last few days there has been a never ending pile of green stuffing coming out of his bed. I guess that's his way of telling me to buy him a new bed. I've never met a demanding dog that was so picky about what he sleeps in..... picky. next thing you know he'll be demanding i wash his sheets.

thanks for reading.

Rain until sunday....seriously not good news for someone who hates going outside when it's wet.
and someone who's mood is affected by gloom. Last night i was writing in my journal wondering about post partum depression- can you suffer from it before you deliver ??? This is not the pregnancy i was thinking of or hoping for - in the since i thought it would be easy like Riley's and i could be a big pregnant woman showing off her belly. I think i can still show it off once it decides to really show - right now it just looks like i need to get lipo or go on a diet for my belly fat =) i guess you could say i wanted more control- to be able to do what i wanted- when i wanted and not have to be at the mercy of others and subject to such a different diet plan.
But what i do know this about my pregnancy - it is in God's hands and this is what he has planned. And i know he is doing a work and working on me and shapping me - and dealing with me . I never realized for myself how much control is such an issue- but it is. and i'm seeing what it's like to have very very little. and i know it is better .
I must say i have learned that i much prefer the slower pace lifestyle i have come to know recently versus the fast paced life i put on myself and lived . I think riley likes it better too. And i like that i am more available to what God would have me do for the day and what he has planned instead of packing my day so full and having my agenda.
Anyways the main thing that got me wanting to write today was the question of When do you know when the door is closed???
My house has been on the market since last october. We had a buyer that backed out due to a divorce the week of closing. I still have a contract contingent on the sell of my house but it ends next tuesday. They may extend i don't know - but no matter what they do they will put it back on the market. BTW we already have money invested in that house - home inspection and all.
We have had interest and people that want the house but it just doesn't work out. But there is interest. steady interest. So when do you quit. When no one is interested. or when you loose the house you wanted. Or do you just wait till literally nothing is happening.
There are so many benefits to living in town- i can always find reason's to live there .
I only have one for here.
We will start packing up things and move some furniture as well into storage- cause well one of the reason's we need to move- we need more space we are starting to out grow this home.
But one great thing - i could be living in an apartment and having to walk my dog in the rain.... the only thing here is i walk out close the gate and let him out.... but at the same time if i lived in an apartment - i'd probally would have moved - but like i said it def. could be worse-
Anyways yesterday i prayed that if it was God's will for us to stay that he close the door. That if it's his will for us not to move- please close the door- i suppose now i should pray for him to take away the desire to move if it's his will we stay here. Hard things to pray when you originally didn't want to move and wanted to add on and stay here but your husband wanted to move and you prayed over it and asked God to move in your heart. and bam all of a sudden this desire that was never there is there- and you find the supposedly perfect house that you yern to be in. that it hurts. Hurting for a house- silliness. anyways i suppose that is why i'm torn- I thought this desire was from God , and we felt lead by him to do this to move . As a family we don't want the things that are not his will. Though i did do things in my power to try to make it happen faster in my timing. Now i am waiting on him and his timing. And starting to wonder what he is doing . And what are his plans. I'm due in August and with the previa it is unknown how i willbe doing nad what the next frew months will looks like- is bed rest in the forcast in the future- will we move after i "deliver"
questions questions questions. i think maybe i should stop thinking and asking questions and just wait.....wait ..... patiently wait.
I just know i don't want to push something that is not of him. and it's hard to see other people be able to move and us not ...... but that was God's plan and timing for them-
His ways are not my ways... and his timing for my family- is HIS TIMING.
so i wait , i wait to see what he's doing and what he has planned and wait to see if this is an open door or a door he is closing....
right now it feels like it's just hinged between half way open and half way closed- just depends on your perspective. So i suppose i will continue to look at it as a open door until he closes it shut.
i will wait on him.

Hoping for some sunshine so i can go lay in the grass with my daughter and look at the clouds.

Thanks for reading.

Yesterday we had our doctor visit and it went pretty well. We did find out and confirm i have complete placenta previa , which means the placenta will not move and i will have to have a c-section. Which i'm sad to miss out on that natural birth but know it is in God's hands and that's where i want it to be. I did get the good news that i'm allowed to get up more i just have to keep monitoring myself and making sure i take it easy.
I'm currently watching cinderella with riley. She loves the mice in the story =) , it's very cute and wonderful to get her dialogue on what is going on in the story. I've really enjoyed our time together and I think we will be taking her out of her school at Christ United, they have been simply wonderful but i do think it is time for her to be at home with me and me with her.
I'm interested to see what God has for my family and to watch him provide. I love watching back and seeing how he has gotten us to where we are right now and how he helped make the decisions we needed. I much rather wait on him then for me to go out and try to do it myself.
I want to write more but am currently completely distracted by Cinderella .

thanks for reading.

with a growing baby in my belly and a very restrictive diet i tend to get on the scale a lot to monitor what exactly is going on.
this morning i have found out i have actually gained weight- 4 lbs.
i don't know if it will stick around or for how long but it is a nice change to the usual lower numbers every day. So yay for a healthy weight gain.
Tonight david is going to be picking up food from a very very good burger joint in town the reason he is going - they cater to vegan people as well! joyful joyful- there is another resturant i can add to my list of places i can go. they have a tofu dish that looks delicious that i'm leaning toward we shall see. anyways i'm very excited about the new option.
Some of my new clothes arrived today. very excited. i love getting things in the mail- who doesn't.
Riley is still in love with her room- she's been playing in there all morning. Though this afternoon after nap time i'm going to paint her nails for her- make her feel special. =)


i'm having a hard time figuring out what vegan dish i'll be making next week - i'm leaning toward no cheese quesadilla's - we'll see i'm going to search my fav. website later today for ideas.
www.fatfreevegan.com
this has been my life saver since my body decided to go haywire from the pregnancy.
everything is really good, healthy and there is no oil- perfect for the person that cannot digest oils!
here is her blog too
www.blog.fatfreevegan.com
she has a really good strawberry cake recipe up now . try it i think you'll be surprised.


Thanks for reading.

so i read a few other blogs or i'll happen across some of them and i love how they incorp. pictures- I don't i wish i did but to me it's just so much trouble and i have a flickr to upload pictures onto - once uploaded it's over- i'm done.
i've decided with this new found freedom but also restrictions i need to go back to taking more pictures i've gotten away from a particular love of mine plus what i studied in school so i'm going to try to take more pictures and get back to my flickr account. i'm uploaded some recent pics of riley and also what we recently did to our house. anyways the link is on the right under mexicodreams.
you can also just go to www.flickr.com/dreamingaway i believe.
enjoy if you like doing that sort of thing - there's tons of different things on there

and yes i may have studied photography and art in college and majored in it - and if you personally think i stink you are entitled to your opinion- but also know i have been out for a very very long time =)

so not only am i still on bed rest but i am nesting. and to me there is nothing worse than a pregnant OCD nesting woman. My sweet sweet husband when i called and told him what i wanted to do said "Sure honey i'd love to help you." Letting did he know what he was getting into.
I went online to lowes and bought a kids organizer thing that i am in love with- and man do i love the buy online and pick up in the store- so this resulted in him getting off of work a few minutes early and picking up this thing from lowes. Then coming home and tearing apart Riley's room.
What started out as just Riley's room turned into Redoing Riley's room AND also moving all the furniture in the living room until my awful urge was met. All this having to be done by davids self while i just looked on and said where to put what because i'm not suppose to lift anything. I'm convinced dave will have back problems later on in life - which i think he'll agree- None the less . Riley's room is a masterpiece. It's organized , even the closet looks better and she has a ton of room- She has not come out of there yet today - she'll poke her head out to say how much she loves her new room- but she's been stuck in there all morning.
The living room didn't change too much - it just was like a jigsaw puzzle that we made more difficult but i'm pretty happy with the results. David did an amazing job.
The last thing my little nesting heart wants to do is to redo my office and box pretty much everything in there - i think it will have to wait though till next weekend cause it will most likely take the whole weekend and since the monster in my chest is alseep for now - why wake it. For now the nesting monster is happy but i know it will awake again.

Another great invention - online shopping- i've never loved it so much. for my birthday instead of actually gifts my family gives money and says you go buy what you want. this year i wasn't sure when i would be able to get out of the house and actually do that. hehe well hello online shopping. I did cheat earlier this week and got out of the house for a little bit- i got my hair done - i was sitting the whole time and all just in another location -which i haven't driven in 3 weeks and the day ended with me getting stuck in mud in front of my house- leason learned stay put in house on my butt.
But i am very excited about christmas in march- cause to me that's what it is like. I have clothes coming from urban outfitters, and a movie and a food processor from target, and even some jewelry. i can't wait!!

This weekend david is going to help me make nutella biscotti cookies- i have a dr's appointment on monday and since i feel like i owe the dr cookies for as long as i am pregnant since he fixed me to where i can eat. so i shower his office with food seeing as they've also seen me more in a month than a normal patient - some weird pregnancy urge most likely.
i'll let you know how they turn out.

thanks for reading.

God is completely overwhelming me with his love lately.
I don't think i could even really convey it correctly and fully through this.
This week i got loved on hugely by a dear friend who took time to just talk on the phone- a good phone conversation is just priceless too me - expecially when time is not an issue - how rarely do we give someone our time fully and not care how long we talk or what needs to be done- we just talk and give them attention- what a wonderful gift and blessing, was very much a huge encouragement and i cannot wait to talk again- i never knew what a dear friend i had until now and am ashamed i have not been better and have not taken advantage of her friendship.
I definatly underestimate how much i am loved and desire to be a better lover of others and a better friend- to care about others and let them know how much they are loved. I desire to give more.
My birthday is Monday and my husband totally threw me for a loop when he took me out last night and ended up back at my parents house for a surprise party i never saw coming- talk about humbling - that people would come to celebrate my birthday - some from out of town , some i hadn't seen in forever, some with young kids- what a wonderful group and blend of friendship- and my sweet dear husband had a huge web of lies conceived so i would not figure it out - everyone was in on it , my parents helped with the lies- which i don't endorse lieing but when it is for a great purpose of giving a wonderful gift of love- please go ahead- i even had a cake- my goodness. I do not think i deserve any of the trouble anyone went to , the cake, the food, any of it . i am blessed, and humbled, and overwhelmed with the love God has shown me this week through others. This has been by far the best birthday..... by far.
I love sitting and being at the feet of God asking and waiting for his will- and seeing what he is doing - what a blessing and gift. Yes i maybe on bed rest and yes my placenta is on my cervix ( yes that means i hugely cheated last night by my husband taking him out - but i was not going to rob him of his gift whatever it was going to be ) but i am greatful for this time - of just waiting - of not knowing - cause i know exactly who has me and where i am - in his loving hands. and sometimes when i sit in my recliner i feel and try to visualize that i am just sitting right in the palm of his hand - and everything else just falls away.
Don't get me wrong i still strong and have days where my flesh comes out in full force and i loose sight of it all. sometimes more than others- i am not perfect - i deserve nothing- But i'm starting to really realize the fullness and gift that is God's love.
The times i really loose sight is even a gift - cause it draws me back to him and humbles me at the same time - I am not that great and i cannot do anything without him. And what a picture to have - bed rest - sitting the majority of the day and week - not being able to do much without the help of another - that is how i should live - less my work and more his.


Thanks for reading.

so my new oil free dairy free diet is going well. being vegan not so bad. the cook (ellie) at the high noon cafe is making me a cheese cake tomorrow - she makes my fav. so i can't wait. it's oh so yummy- it's going to be raspberry- i would attempt to make one myself right now but i am currently on bed rest due to my placenta previa - my placenta is on my cervix and my spotting has picked up a little so i'm on bed rest for this week- and hopefully will be off next week. sorry if that was tmi for some. 

Obvioiusly God wants me at home - or at least resting. And i know full and well my life is not my own it is his. Plus i have this person i'm dying to get to know in my belly that i want to take care of. So God has been keeping me home more and more and more till finally i'm on bed rest. Which is fine. I really honestly want to do his will and want what he has for me. I wonder what exactly that is. Right now i sit and i listen and i wait. And am waiting for him to show me what he has. 

I do think i am going to paint today - i have an idea of what i want to do but am interested to see what happens. 

i turn 25 in less than 2 weeks. Riley keeps telling me my birthday is coming up. 

It's been really great to be home with her cause i am getting to see her sweet spirit and interesting personality .

This morning she told me "mommy when i this many i gonna be able to drive.....ooooh yeah"   the prolonged oh followed by the yeah is what really got me. I have been majorly blessed by my sweet family and am astonished and knocked on my back constantly humbled when i see their unconditional love - a shining example of jesus - what a testimony they are to me . If only i could shine as they do. and radiate like they - 

thanks for reading .

this month has been characterized by a constant sickness. 2 er visits in three weeks and a hospital admittance. After being in the hospital i am better. slowly gaining strength and slowly eating more food. One problem- no oils and no diary. basically i think i need to become vegi/vegan to survive this pregnancy. it's been very interesting and i'm hoping to stay out of the er and hospital for the next 5 months - the 6th i want to go so i deliver. =) hopefully i can get some kinda of diet plan down. we'll see how it goes. But at least i am doing better. i am uber greatful for that. At this point just trying to take it easy. thanks for the prayers.
And thanks for reading.

amazingly i'm still sick. i go to my new doc. on monday - which i am looking forward to trying someone new. we'll see how it goes. i am going to beg for a shot if this continues through the weekend. I'm currently taking phenegren so i can try and keep food down.
- I am still going to go out tonight with dave to our 10 great dates - not gonna little the being sick keep me inside anymore- tired of it.

Being sick has made me think less of myself somehow and more of riley. Sometimes i tend to think it's about my schedule and what i have to do versus it's really about her . I feel bad the days she's had to stay home with me cause i'm too sick to take her to school (but at least we have been together) . I'm trying to raise her up to be a woman of God. and that is going to take me looking more at my day at what can i do for her not what can i do for me and if she gets sick or misbehaves and i have to rearrange my day - then that is what the Lord has for me . if i miss my things so what - cause nothing is more important then what God has called me to do as a mother.
But it is still important to develop and show her what a christian marriage looks like and that takes taking time out to cultivate that relationship (i.e. tonight) . It's hard to keep everything in perspective a lot of times. But everyday and every moment is new and you continually get to make that choice every moment which is a pretty nice gift.


Right now it's raining and i hope by tonight it slacks up- i think being in a pool the majority of the week makes me hate getting wet when im in not in the pool- but a good rainey day is somehow relaxing. though i love the sunshine.

Tomorrow is valentines day and we are gonna be making chocolate covered strawberries and i kinda wanna do pancakes for dinner ( on my nice griddle i haven't ever used) - i think it'll be fun - i always love baking and cooking with the family.

anyways have a great v-day weekend.

thanks for reading.

communication and mis-communication.

crazy isn't it . he said she said and then they don't say anything and you read into it.
happens everyday. we assume. we assume when someone doesn't say something or do something.
we draw our own conclusions by what we think they think- which isn't right.
i'm guilty of it all the time.
sometimes maybe we should just not think.
but maybe it's good that we have to overcome pride and admit when we are wrong. or when we have misunderstood or assumed. because once again it reminds us that we are not perfect. only God is.

communication seems to be just such a huge thing . i really want to be a better communicator. but at the same time all i wanna do is listen. hmmm

but today my big thing is communication in a doctors office - i've been real sick lately. and i had to go get an iv to get my hydration back up and all. i'm very greatful the bebe is ok- cause i've lost about 7 lbs but it still looks healthy- praise-
anyways i'm just now being told that my doc. will not accept my insurence - after the fact that i've been seen and when i first made my appointment i was told that if i was a past patient she would accept it. yeah can you say mis-communication - i had to go through 4 people to find someone who finally told me the truth. But isn't it great we have people to communicate for us. I was able to get a case worker to take over for me and get to the bottom of it - to try and get them to file the claim. Amazing isn't it - i maybe aweful at communication but there are people out there that are good at it. And maybe even do it as a job. i'm thankful for those people.
I'm praying the little guy will prevail over big bad money hungry medicine people. we'll see.
But i did find a new doc. and i'm exciting bout meeting them next week. should be interesting. Just praying God leads us to the Dr he has for us .
I also am realizing and knowing that good and bad it's all a gift. another everyday choice to make.

I go back to work tomorrow and am trying to take it extremely easy and not do anything.
luckily i have an amazing husband who is ultra helpful and super duper sweet- very blessed.

Still praying through a lot and trying to make decisions about the next few months.
The months seem to be passing ultra quick.

Thanks for reading.

so i haven't updated in a while. i've been pretty busy. i started working at maley swim school teaching kiddos how to swim. it's been really fun but really exhausting. We found out the day before Christmas eve that we are expecting our second bebe. Which i am really excited about. i already got it some bedding for the crib i do not have for it , for the room it does not have. Yeah we still have not sold our house. We're waiting and will continue to wait until the Lord moves us. I'll find out in a about 5 weeks what we are having and i can't wait.
For the last week though, i have been sick. and i'm ultimately tired of it. I'm ready to be better and be back to normal. i'm counting down the hours till i have to leave my house and go to work and praying that i'll make it through the night alright.
I'm trying to learn how to take better care of myself and not run myself so thin.....not doing to hot a job - last week great example.
But i am learning that i cannot do any of this in my own strength. That i can't really do any of it.
I have to fully rely on him and dwell in him. Which is an everyday moment by moment choice. somedays are better others i fall miserably on my face..
When i feel like listening to music i've been listening to a lot of brook fraiser .
---Riley has a valentines day party with her school on wed and i'm super excited for her. we're gonna have cookies and i'm gonna try and pick up some things for the class before we go into work today. ---- also i'm getting to start a weekly date thing with david - we'll be going to cumc - where riley goes to school- on fridays for a session called 10 greatest dates - i thought it would be something fun to do since i 've been working so much and we haven't been able to spend a ton of time together - the first session is friday. so that's what i'll be doing for valentines day =) plus we're making chocolate covered strawberry's - yummo.

in two weeks we'll be having a womens retreat with our church and i'm supper duper excited.
i know this post is completely random thought-wise which maybe most of my posts are but i feel like this one is a little more.

Thanks for reading.

Right now it's snowing. I love it - so far we have gotten 3 inches. 

It's amazing - since we have lived in Florence it has snowed heavy 2 times - which is a lot for mississippi- and it's stuck - i'm gonna miss that i think. Below 20 ( an interstate in jackson that runs thru the state horizontally) it's a different world - we always get different weather than anywhere else in the state. Anyways it's been an awesome snow day- we played in the snow - had a small snowball fight with my daughter - made a snowman and took tons of pictures. Then we also have made frosty fav. cookies (sugar cookies with white chocolate and cinnamon on top. ) 

There is something so comforting about the snow. 

David got to  come home around lunch too - they let the state employee's go since it's getting so bad out - what with the snow and all =) 

I'm looking forward to curling up to a good book and enjoying the nicce weather and staying in. 

On wed . morning i go and teach a morning swim babies class - and before - after i've dropped of Riley at school i go to Mcdonalds and get a mcgriddle- my fav thing to do- i like to go inside and see the people and i just enjoy it i don't know why .Anyways last week the place was hopping a bunch of older women - around my grandmothers age all had gotten together and were eating breakfast and chatting it up - it was so fun to watch the friendship and all. I hope that when i'm that age i'll have those type friendships - Maybe Riley will still think i'm awesome and we'll still hang out =P 

David graduates next week- i'm so excited for him and looking forward to what God has for us. i'm so excited about the next chapter for our family. Thanks for your continued prayers . 

Also really excited that next month i'll have been Mrs. Sprayberry for 4 years now. 

i'm hoping later today we can go do snow angles . i think my classes are going to be canceled tonight (swim class ) so i'm actually looking forward to having a true day off and just getting to stay around the house - a nice surprise and blessing. 

thanks for reading =) 

i'm devastated.  The buyer for my house has backed out ..... But the house we are wanting and have been praying over - they are willing to extend the contract. 

I'm at a loss. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt who my God is . 

He is mighty. He knows All. He has plans to prosper me. HE is working right this moment. He parted the Red Sea. He calmed the storms and raging winds. He healed the sick. He calms the storm inside me .He calms my anxious heart. 

We were so close. and i feel like it all just got taken away . the rug taken from underneath our feet. I feel like we are back at stage one. David says we are just halfway there. Inspections done and such. I'm praying for a buyer . Someone who wants my house- needs my house. Obviously it was not her.   Heartbroken. I thought we were going to be in Jackson for Christmas. Crying with joy that this finally happened. I dunno where we will be now - Florence or Jackson. I totally believe we could still move by the end of the year. I'm not betting on it . I'm hoping for it. I trust him. I really do. But that doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt. It hurts. 

At least we still have graduation to plan for and celebrate. 

And things could be so much worse. 

So now i'm back to waiting again. I'm going to escape into a book this afternoon. 

As dave said humorously this afternoon- at least we didn't go ahead and sell our bed. ( we were selling some items on craigslist -cause we have some stuff in storage still ) 

My hope and trust is not in man but in God. I know what he can do - i've seen it. 

I know what he's done in my life. I will wait . Patiently for what he has. 

Maybe we'll still move this month. I really hope so. I really do. I think that would be one of the greatest Christmas presents we could ask for. 

Please continue to pray for us. And for the person God has for our house. 

Thanks for reading. 

So we got the house we were wanting. We close on both on Dec. 12th. We are super duper excited.  I can't believe we are actually going to move into town. Plus that i have to pack up this whole house. I'm a little overwhelmed with it but i know it'll work out. 

I can't wait.  I love the location and the house- and the best part is it's really move in ready- we don't need to paint or anything. 

David is home today- i think he got the stomach bug - he was sick all last night. not fun. 

hopefully he is feeling better today. 

Thanks for your continued prayers- We are really excited about starting this new chapter in our lives. 

And as always Thanks for reading. 

Waiting and trusting .........

so Yesterday a woman (her name is Kimberly) came and looked at our house...... And she liked it .......she liked it so much she made an offer right then and there. We have accepted that offer.

I'm a little in shock - i hoped and prayed it would be this soon. But i didn't really think it was this soon- i was just waiting.  Our Closing Date is Dec. 12th - that's right three weeks from now. 

We did find a house we liked and put in an offer last night - we're waiting to hear.  If they don't accept I'll be searching this weekend for a home. 

please continue to pray for us in this area. We take complete comfort in knowing that God WILL provide. I'm waiting to see what that will look like but know that whatever happens it is what is best. And i love that. 

I Knew and took  comfort that God was moving and doing something 

It's awesome to start to get see what he is going to do - i'm thrilled and so thankful he has given us this awesome opportunity. 

Big Changes are coming for our little family and i can't wait to see. 

This really is HUGE. 

And it's all GOD.

Please please continue to pray for us. 

So riley started not feeling well yesterday morning. by 11 she had a fever of 102.3 . she's never had a fever that huge-it was slightly unnerving. i hate when she's sick. anyway she spent the night with me in bed - poor thing was quite pitiful. But by this morning her fever had broke. She's naping right now and i'm praying we are officially out of the woods. 

I'm relaxing while she sleeps . And david has been straightening up my house ( i ran to the store to fill up our cabinets with food for the week). because we are having someone come look at it tomorrow. Pray for us. 

Though work maybe a bit slow right now i am thankful. I'm here sitting on my pretty blue couch in my house i want to sell ( not because i don't love it - because of location) and i am thankful. For my pretty big windows where the light just pours in. For the lovely yard that seems to sing with life and colour and warmth. thankful for the time i have that i can sit in peace. Literally feel peace. And that says a lot - cause i'm a pretty stressful person- i get anxious and stressed about the littlest things - it's quite silly. But i have this great peace- cause God is in control. I have this great peace cause i know everyday is a beautiful gift. Come January my time at home will not be as much as i'd like - though i won't be away as much as other moms- i'm blessed for sure- but still i'll be working more - so i have this great time to enjoy my home, my family and my husband. To enjoy this awesome gift. Yes i could sit here and complain how i wanna work i need to work and what all i could do - etc. And trust me i've done that - I've fought with God so much - ever seen a kid through a fit and the parents try to hold them to calm them down- Yeah i'm that kid most of the time- But i finally had enough fighting - got tired and said ok - fine - even if i'm not too thrilled i'm gotta act thrilled till i am thrilled. Trust me i still have my moments and it's everything i can do to not go off the deep end with every kind of thought - Anyways I'm greatful that i get this oh so precious time with Riley. I maybe busy in Jan and i will really enjoy it . But i am also really enjoying the fact that i can sit on my couch and read. and read. I can do my bible study when i want. I don't really have to be anywhere- What a rare moment for anyone- we are such a nation of go go go busy busy busy that we don't take time to just sit. I had the must wonderful time yesterday sitting on the porch with my pup and with my God . Sitting and enjoying his creation. Such a rare time . 

I am trying to take advantage of this time - cause i know it won't be long till i might get lost again in the business of things and the rush of it all and i get lost . But i want to take the time now so when that rush comes - i don't get lost. - i feel i've rambled way too much- hopefully this has made some sense. 

By the way Riley is doing a great job with potty training- the main reason she hasn't been trained yet was because of me - i was too busy to just take time out to help her...... sad. 

But she is doing awesome. I am oh so proud of my big girl. 

Riley is up from her nap and i think there are somethings i need to do around the house before david gets home- We are going out on a DATE! yes a DATE! we haven't been on a date in a very long time - it will be so nice to be able to spend time together and to be able to go eat somewhere - to sit down and have a meal - break bread together-   

back to life. 

thanks for reading. 

i got all my hair chopped off , and when i mean chopped i mean chopped - like no hair lower than my ears. all gone. so long. i think i'm really excited about this because last night at swimming i got drenched my the kids- my hair got so yet- no there is less to get wet. yay. isn't that silly- i'm going to be teaching kids to swim and i don't want my hair to get yet - i know i'm pretty silly. By the way i love teaching swimming- it's really fun to work with the kids and they are oh so sweet. I'm really excited to see what God is going to do. I'm very thankful for this opportunity. 

Riley has an amazing imagination. she's been carrying around a small baby penguin. and she also got a small pink kitty. she asks people what they think about them have they seen em. Now we also speak to our shadows- yeah like peter pan. it's really never dull. 

I was reading The grace awakening by chuck swindoll ( one of my fav.) and he talks at first about millions of murders in our nation- getting away with murder everyday. Now one of the murderers is Murderer  of Joy- and i think about Riley and her amazing imagination. I don't want to me a killer of joy, hope, love, any of those things. And David is amazing at encouraging her and developing her imagination- Because of his help and encouragement - we not only have a pet alligator that goes thru our house from time to time and our dog is now a shark. We also have pirates that frequent our yard and you get rid of them by throwing ice cream at them---- yeah i know pretty awesome. I wish i was that creative- I pray that my imagination can once again re-blossom and my creativity flourish so i can join in on the creative imaginative family. What a gift and a joy. 

thanks for reading. 

so today we are all suppose to be voting today and well i did not register to vote when i moved . I thought once you registered to vote you were good you didn't have to re-register and all- i was way wrong and missed out on a really exciting opportunity- ultimately disappointed and bummed out. But a really great lesson- Once again i don't know everything and i'm not as smart as i'd like to think. Yep talk about a slice of humble pie. After we move- if we move- hopefully we'll move - i'm registering again.
So i'm pretty selfish. I grew up in a pretty worldly family- my parents would kill me for saying that - but it's true - if you saw how we have lived - that is me growing up- and our lives you would see yup pretty worldly. My testimony even up till before i met my husband was well lacking greatly of Christ. Now don't get me wrong i was saved when i was in the 9th grade. But i did not understand the christian walk. I was pretty confused. I'm very greatful for the church i'm in now and the teachings and that my children can be brought up there. anyways back to my point selfishness- Yeah i'm pretty selfish- I grew up thinking it was all about me which makes for an interesting day to day struggle with my thoughts- And guess what i still act like that sometimes - well probally most of the time- And it's not about me. It's about Christ. my life is not about me and what i do and what i get and accomplish- it is about the work that Christ does in my life. This is a hard thing to grasp for me at times because like i said i'm selfish. I have been feeling very hazed - like i can't really think clearly and i'm having trouble really getting my sinful thoughts under control and really taking ever thought captive and giving it to the lord - big or small. So i'm planning on fasting on thursday- i know i should not be saying this because it kind of defeats the purpose of it being between God and myself- but i do not want any glory or praise for this. I am sharing this because maybe God can use this. I never really understood fasting but i just did a study on esther and felt a tug. I know you would not think that the story of esther would cause me to come to this matter but it has. I'm wanting to fast because i want to really focus on him . When the hunger sets in and the pains - to be reminded to focus on him and pray. I long for special time with him. For growing that relationship with my saviour- I want to get my focus off of myself. I want to really sit and listen.

I'm using the opportunity to clear my mind and heart.

I do desperately want to Glorify him and praise him. Shamefully though i have this aweful voice in the back of my head - and it's- i want people to say good job- your awesome- pats on the backs -stroke my ego please- i don't want to do things because i want people to see how awesome i am or think i'm awesome- because i'm not. i'm aweful. sinful. wretched. I'm ashamed of my behaviour and sinfulness and past- how ugly my life was without God and i'm thanful that i have a saviour that washes me clean and white as snow. because i was stained crimson red. I want when people look at me to see Christ and not I.
I'm not fasting to get things from him. I am fasting to shift my horrible focus from myself and the world to him.


I hate sin.... i despise the things of this world. I long for the fruits of the spirit. But ya know what if i was perfect and had all those things I would not need christ. And that is something i don't think i could live without. My favorite characteristic of christ is his faithfulness. God is faithful. I love that. I love that he is the same today, tomorrow , and yesterday- he is not fickle , he does not change with the times. He is God. how comforting is that in such a fickle world.
He is my comforter. I have moments where i wish i had someone to talk to (other than my husband and child. ) Someone to cry with when times are hard. But in times when i feel all alone- i can lean on him. I can cry to him- and he'll hold me in his righteous hand. NEATO!
Now don't get me wrong - i still crave for fellowship and friendship. And i still pray for that .
But sometimes satan can use that loneliness to get us to focus on ourselves. Which sometimes i do - i have a big old pitty party. How much better would it be if i praised God in those times. Instead of creating bitterness. It would be a lot better.

I ramble i know . I've probally gone down a million bunny trails.
I've got some work to do while Riley is asleep and i really wanted to start reading today during her nap time- I'm wanting to use my quiet time and down time for more preductive work and time to spend with my Abba. Untimed time. I should be making phone calls to schedule shows but i feel like i have more important things i can do that will really last.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouragement.



oh - Riley can now do a tumble (flip) by herself - unassisted- it's pretty awesome- She amazes me - i was reminded today that We (mothers/wifes) set the tone every morning for our house---- talk about humbleing. Anyways i think about that sweet little girl and what kind of tone am i setting for our home everyday and for her.

-Love-

I haven't written on this in forever- i'm not sure anyone other than my husband really reads this. Though this is meant more for me than for others to read but if i was completely honest i 'd say yeah i wish more read this.
So David has gotten a new job- PRAISE THE LORD! - and he graduates in Dec. Big changes are happening or are coming. We want to move back to Jackson for several reasons. The new job has kind of been the real pushing factor that got the ball really rolling. I'm still working from home but i'll be taking on another job come Jan. I'll be teaching swimming lessons to kids and babies. I love the water babies class. it's by far my fav. So big changes are coming- it's an exciting time because you really have no clue what's going to happen - but i'm really excited - David has worked really hard for all of this. (that's the big update about life. )
I've been struggling a lot with the whole issue of Control. I've been struggling with it for years and i'm finally really learning to let go. It's like a weight off my shoulder to really trust God. I should have done it earlier - when i didn't want to. But i got really convicted last month and have been trying to take more effort toward really releasing my grip and stop fighting with him. I am a failure though. But i honestly want to fully trust him and really show that.
Riley is growing well way to much. She has gotten rid of her paci and is potty training right now. She is so proud of herself and i'm pretty proud of her too. She is currently playing with my old doll house - her new fav. thing. and her reward for making big girl choices . The pressure is on to really bring her up in a Godly manner. I had an awesome mother in law and spiritual mother. awesome. and i'm really feeling the void - i feel so unworthy to even share her last name. It took time for that relationship to grow and right as it was really blossoming it got taken away. I crave a spiritual moma - no one can ever replace her or even measure close to her and that makes me not want another but i know that kind of relationship is important. I'm praying that if that's the Lord's will to bless me with that kind of relationship he'll bring it.
I have been blessed though with amazing women at our church that i can call for discipline advice and such. But i crave for more friendships- an area that i'm having to give to the lord. I long for close friendships with a lot of the women at church. I feel very distant - mainly due to location i think i dunno- maybe that will get better once i move to jackson. But lonliness is huge and i think i've always dealt with that since i was young. I'm needy. But that gives more opportunity to lean on Christ and build my relationship with him. I really sometimes don't know how to build relationships , or how to be a good friend- i'm trying to learn but i'm a little slow in that area and dumb. I like to think i'm oh so smart and know so much - but in actuality simple concepts and ideas i have a really hard time wrapping my mind around then sometimes my brain just doesn't click. And in the term of friends when i don't know how to act or say i think i come off mean and rude - once again learning.
Anyways i long for that friendship and i'm a little jealous of the other women and their bonds and conversations and friendships.
But i need to stop focusing on myself( i can be pretty selfish- my fleshy self is so humbling and well at times shameful.) and focus on Christ. Building that relationship. Listening . Learning. I've been longing to learn what kind of woman he wants me to be - who am i called to be - And i am so blessed with a current study about women in the bible - it's an amazing answer to prayer. I was so pleasently suprised with it. I think I'm going to start reading an elizabeth elliott book as well. I long ot have a quiet heart - and to really react In christ. not me . him.
Mary had such a quiet heart and spirit. And was so thoughtful. a servants heart- I long for that. Not because she was like that but because that is what a woman of God should look like- She was an awesome picture for me. She had her downfalls and she was not perfect but she loved the lord and it showed. If only my testimony could radiate that.
And not for my glory and but for God's .
Testimony- What God has done for me.... WHAT HE HAS DONE.
not how great am i look at me.
For it not to be about me.


Time to stop writing and get my little girl to bed.
Thanks for reading if you are out there .

So i traveled to oxford this weekend. Alone. And i love the long car ride by myself because it's quiet and i get time to think and reflect. I'm slowly realizing who i am. I know that's weird and all since i'm 24 - i probally should have figured that out sooner. But i spent most of my teenage years and earlier trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be or who i thought i should be. In that i figured out what i liked and what i didn't like. I wear the clothes i wear now not becasue i want someone to think i'm cool or it's what i'm suppose to wear but because i like it. i listen to the music i listen to because i like it. I am who i am. I still think i have a lot to learn about myself . I've had so many people kind of tell me who i am or what i am i never got a chance to figure it out for myself till well college and maybe that is were you are suppose to figure it out. maybe that's where everyone gets it - i just happen to be 24 out of college , married, and a mother. so i feel a little behind and a little ahead at the same point.

I'm reading this really great devontional - i hate the name - Daily steps for God Chicks. it's the chicks part i don't like i dunno. it's silly. there has only been one day where i had a problem with the book and it's was personally too close to home and i thought she totally was wrong in what she said......but that's another story. anyways i really like it cause right now the last few days she's been going on about how we are princess' and not in the it's all about me i'm a princess - in the it's not all about me - it's about my king who is wild for me! i love that - thinking that God is wild for me. And it asks these thought questions like what do you bring to God's team--- usually i shrug my shoulders and go i dunno. but i'm actually trying to think about these things cause it's important to know who i am in christ. but the princess thing that's how God sees us. Our father sees us not wearing rags but with royal clothing and a crown. He sees us with a crown on our heads. we are toyalty. being his daughter makes you a princess....regardless of what you feel like and regardless of your past. then she goes into detail about what that means for us .....that we have an obligation. when you understand that you are the loved-beyond-meeasure daughter of the king, you will live your life differently. When you understand that you are designed to serve humanity as God's princess, then you can freely give, and you have an obligation to do so..... That's just a little bit of it. But it has been good.

Time to go feed my daughter. 'night

i miss her so much. and i miss these moments.


sometimes it feels like a completly different life now.

i miss her. i miss her. desperately.

and yes i'm going to act like i'm 3 right now ........ it's not fair. not at all.

so my old roommate is getting married and i'm shooting her pictures in the morning. i love doing that. absolutely love it - it keeps me active in my gift. And i just love capturing those moments in time. I'm hopefully going to be updating my flickr with more pictures since i just dumped all my cards out onto my external drive. i miss flickr and spending all those times searching and looking at other peoples art and feeling like i'm somewhat sharing mine. Anways back to the wedding part. it's going ot be nice i think because it'll be a bunch of old friends and people from hattiesburg - one of the many towns i went to school at. So it'll be nice to see familiar faces and well feel loved. I have a great group of friends at church i dont' alwasy get to hang out with them but i really do have some good friends there. Outside of church my friend list has dwindled. Sometimes i wonder if i'm a bad friend or bad company. I hope not either. 

  David has started back school. which is always a little bit odd when he's been home. I'll survive though. He'll finish his degree in Dec. 

Hoping to take a few day trips this summer. To Laurel and one to Oxford. 

Riley's vocabulary has really opened up. She's talking more and more and her personality is really shining through. WE have been watching movies togetehr the last few days and The little mermaid and Finding nemo have been our most watched - i'm contemplating renting some for her. Also realizing how much disney really shifted my view of love and realtionships - i mean fairy tell weddings at the age of 16???? really????? yup all the princess' where 16! craziness. and it's ok to be disobedient and spoiled cause it all works out in the end =) 

But with all the taken and what i'll tell riley as she grows up and make sure she's not jaded or whatever - i do love a good disney movie and under the sea is a great song to dance to with my little girl =) . 

I have started gardening. yes me. my mother in law was a gem at it and i thought i might as well i can't be the other sprayberry woman not gardening. so i finally got my hands dirty. And i'm patiently wating for my flowers to bloom. i haven't killed anything new yet. and it's actually really rewarding. I'm hoping my sunflowers pop up ---- they haven't yet which is worrying but hopefully they'll make it everything else is coming up. so hopefully my mammoth flowers will join them and start poking their leaves out from underneath the dark ground.