Rain until sunday....seriously not good news for someone who hates going outside when it's wet.
and someone who's mood is affected by gloom. Last night i was writing in my journal wondering about post partum depression- can you suffer from it before you deliver ??? This is not the pregnancy i was thinking of or hoping for - in the since i thought it would be easy like Riley's and i could be a big pregnant woman showing off her belly. I think i can still show it off once it decides to really show - right now it just looks like i need to get lipo or go on a diet for my belly fat =) i guess you could say i wanted more control- to be able to do what i wanted- when i wanted and not have to be at the mercy of others and subject to such a different diet plan.
But what i do know this about my pregnancy - it is in God's hands and this is what he has planned. And i know he is doing a work and working on me and shapping me - and dealing with me . I never realized for myself how much control is such an issue- but it is. and i'm seeing what it's like to have very very little. and i know it is better .
I must say i have learned that i much prefer the slower pace lifestyle i have come to know recently versus the fast paced life i put on myself and lived . I think riley likes it better too. And i like that i am more available to what God would have me do for the day and what he has planned instead of packing my day so full and having my agenda.
Anyways the main thing that got me wanting to write today was the question of When do you know when the door is closed???
My house has been on the market since last october. We had a buyer that backed out due to a divorce the week of closing. I still have a contract contingent on the sell of my house but it ends next tuesday. They may extend i don't know - but no matter what they do they will put it back on the market. BTW we already have money invested in that house - home inspection and all.
We have had interest and people that want the house but it just doesn't work out. But there is interest. steady interest. So when do you quit. When no one is interested. or when you loose the house you wanted. Or do you just wait till literally nothing is happening.
There are so many benefits to living in town- i can always find reason's to live there .
I only have one for here.
We will start packing up things and move some furniture as well into storage- cause well one of the reason's we need to move- we need more space we are starting to out grow this home.
But one great thing - i could be living in an apartment and having to walk my dog in the rain.... the only thing here is i walk out close the gate and let him out.... but at the same time if i lived in an apartment - i'd probally would have moved - but like i said it def. could be worse-
Anyways yesterday i prayed that if it was God's will for us to stay that he close the door. That if it's his will for us not to move- please close the door- i suppose now i should pray for him to take away the desire to move if it's his will we stay here. Hard things to pray when you originally didn't want to move and wanted to add on and stay here but your husband wanted to move and you prayed over it and asked God to move in your heart. and bam all of a sudden this desire that was never there is there- and you find the supposedly perfect house that you yern to be in. that it hurts. Hurting for a house- silliness. anyways i suppose that is why i'm torn- I thought this desire was from God , and we felt lead by him to do this to move . As a family we don't want the things that are not his will. Though i did do things in my power to try to make it happen faster in my timing. Now i am waiting on him and his timing. And starting to wonder what he is doing . And what are his plans. I'm due in August and with the previa it is unknown how i willbe doing nad what the next frew months will looks like- is bed rest in the forcast in the future- will we move after i "deliver"
questions questions questions. i think maybe i should stop thinking and asking questions and just wait.....wait ..... patiently wait.
I just know i don't want to push something that is not of him. and it's hard to see other people be able to move and us not ...... but that was God's plan and timing for them-
His ways are not my ways... and his timing for my family- is HIS TIMING.
so i wait , i wait to see what he's doing and what he has planned and wait to see if this is an open door or a door he is closing....
right now it feels like it's just hinged between half way open and half way closed- just depends on your perspective. So i suppose i will continue to look at it as a open door until he closes it shut.
i will wait on him.

Hoping for some sunshine so i can go lay in the grass with my daughter and look at the clouds.

Thanks for reading.