last night a mouse decided it wanted to be friends and came and sat right down by me and watched t.v. with me. i didn't realize this till it was too late. we took measures to catch him - and probally made fools of ourselves in the process but this morning we got him.

made cookies and a mess this afternoon it was pure joy.


learning more about grace - and how to be gracious even when it hurts.

riley is such a joy and encouragement - even more so this time of year.
struggling with loneliness but i know God will use it. i'm so greatful for the friends who have truly been there. and for the people God has used.

so a lot has happened in the past month. a lot. too much. i lost the most influential person in my life. i feel like i'm carrying around this big whole in my heart or a sadness. i miss her terribly and am hoping i am making her proud. i also lost my dog - which added to the broken heart and made me even more sad. but my dear husband bought me a puppy and i must say he is beginnning to be a joy. his name is leeland. i didn't not make the 9 shows in 45 days for work. i have all these goals and haven't made them- i think i've been going about it wrong. it's totally God's to do what he wants with it. so whatever he brings every month i will rejoice cause he did it not me. i'm hopefully to get out of my circle and friends soon. waiting to see what the lord will do with it - and i've been so greatful with what he has done and is doing.
i tend to dwell and be fearful with a lot that has been going on i fear what will happen next - not fully trusting hte lord - the fear has gotten so great that i get so anxious - finally i said ok lord this is yours take it i don't want it i don't want to be fearful i want to trust you fully and totally - i'm seeing everyday as a beautiful gift and looking at my time as not my own but my lords. i think God is using my puppy- yes that's right my puppy to teach me even more . i tend to go go go . if we leave the house for the day i try to get as much done while i am gone and riley ends up drained and so tired and it really wears on her. well know that we have a puppy i cannot go go go i have to be able to go home and not spend my whole day gone - different - and somewhat uncomfortable but i think it is good. not only to teach me but for riley- the way i do my days is so unfair to her . so i'm interested to see what and how the lord will use this. i also think my days have been so full that i'm distracting myself that i'm not seeing what God has for me. anyways i suppose you coudl say this is all or some of what God is doing and teaching me in life. i have a show tonight and i'm so eager to see what the lord will do. sorry i'm a horrible typer but thanks for reading.

So i've taken on a new job. I'm starting to sell jewelry from Premier Designs Jewelry. I'm really excited about it and really like the company and believe in it. the only problem is i don't really believe in myself. to get started you are suppose to get 9 shows ( part of a contest- you get a pretty awesome reward if you do this) asking friends and family to help you out by throwing a show and that's how you make your way out of that circle. I think i only have one show booked. No one is really interested ( that i'm close too) . I'm having my training show this friday and i'm not really sure if my friends will turn out i only haveo n definate from one. i'm just praying that some more will support me cuase this is such a huge change and thing i just haven't don- but i think i may be lacking with who will show up. So i start doubting myself and if people like me or what not. pretty stupid i suppose. This really is and has to be a God thing. I have to do my best and leave it up to him. Trusting him fully with this new responsibility. The whole while i can't help but feel a little shelfish in starting this when so much is going on around me. I feel uterly helpless. I have complete faith in the Lord. I have complete faith that mary will and can get better and beat this but sometimes i feel like i'm the only one trying to remain optomistic. This really is in the Lords hands. The only thing i can do is try to be an encouragement and just keep praying. I just hope i am being an encouragement.
Dave got a premanent job at mdes. he has benefits and is doing just spectacular i'm so proud of him. He starts school tonight. I know he is going to do amazing. His birthday is coming up very soon and i want to do something special for him. To encourage him- cause i know he needs it . i try to do my best but i think he needs a little something extra if you know what i mean.
Riley is doing really well. she's growing growing growing. and is such a sweetheart. she was sick yesterday - coughing a lot - so we played it safe and stayed home . dave got to spend a lot of time with her yesterday which i think was just special for both of them exspecially since he's going to be back at school. it's been pretty awesome having him home so much i'm gonna miss seeing him. The heat down here has been pretty bad but finally yesterday it was a little cooler you could feelthe difference. so thankful the lord provided that break. Well i think it's mr. potatoe head play time. thanks for reading.

Life has been crazy as of late. I had the absolute best weekend with friends hanging out till midnight and reading a good book and the best lunch for a long time.
friends are such an encouragement.

mary has been in and out of the hospital this week. she got sick and with her immune system down she has to go inot the hospital. they finally got all her blood cells - white and red - up to normal again. i hate seeing her like this its a true roller coaster but as harold said on the phone last night - God is still faithful.

i'm so thankful for the friends that have cared enough to pray for our family and for mary and have cared enough to make a simple phone call to say hello and let us know they love us. - that encouragement and friendships that much more of a blessing and makes me so greatful.

riley watched high school musical today and loved it. it was too cute. she's such a blessing and just darling. i enjoy her every minute of every day.

this past weekend we spent at my parents and we got back home today. and there is such a wonderful comfort that i never realized about this place how much of a relief it is to be here. some of the people in the town maybe a little weird but hey that keeps it interesting. this place is such a blessing and gift and i'm so thankful for it.

i'm trying to learn how to not stretch myself out- i tend to committ to things 100 % so other things suffer. i need to learn boundries and happy mediums i suppose.

i love how beatiful christ is and what he did . how we are to be slaves to him and not to sin anymore. i like that . i like that i can put on a new self. take off the old put on the new. i hate my fleshy self , my sinful self. i really love the - christ not i- .

So "my brother" got married and it was wonderful - it was the most beautiful wedding and the most fun. Now that i'm back i now have to undertake the task of going thru my 800 plus pictures and getting them ready for him. And i'm really looking forward to it. It's such an honor and blessing to be doing this for him. It's something that is going to last the two of them the rest of their lives and something they will always enjoy. I can't wait for them to see them.

So much is going on in our lives right now and we could really use your prayers.


Dave and i have been together for 4 years now and it's so weird to think that 4 years ago this time we were going to new orleans and hanging out , becoming bf/gf. He's such a blessing in my life and always a support. This weekend dave and i are going to take riley to her first movie in a movie theater. i'm pretty excitted.


Everyday i'm realizing how important friendship and fellowship are. And how my soul craves that and needs it.

I'm really loving all this summer rain.

i think it's funny that people are moving away from xanga and doing blogspots- i've noticed a lot more people have started a blogspot lately. i've had this blogspot since forever before i even had a xanga. i did xanga becuase that's where everyone was but still kept this sucker cause well i liked it and i will continue to keep both. Funny How things change.

Riley just turned two this past friday and her big two year old check up is today. Should be interesting , we've been playing doctor lately so i wonder how she will react now when we go. we shall see. I'm thinking of under going the task this afternoon of changing rileys bed (it's a convertable) to a toddler bed- i think she is ready.
The party went pretty well on saturday though i wish more of her friends would have been able to make it but it was a nice party and everyone blessed us so very much.
My brother is getting married on saturday and i am the photographer for the wedding. It is going to be in New Orleans and i'm pretty excited . not only about the wedding but about being in new orleans again with my husband. N.O is where everything started for dave and i - it holds a special place in our hearts plus i have so many memories tied there . It's going to be wonderful. The possibilities are endless . We will be spending some quality time alone - the drive down has great talks awaiting us . And the fun of walking the streets - well i jsut can't wait.

Riley is currently playing with her new little kitchen - cooking breakfeast and bringing me drinks to try out. time to go join her. She amazed me with her wonderful imagination and contentment with the little things ( like just sitting on a step)

This past weekend i went to see my bestest bud in her new town of laurel. it was really really fun.. we drove around learning the town and seeing the sites - ate at a good pizza place and went to hudsons and dirt cheap where we lost our minds and track of time. The things you find in these places is amazing and well mistifying. you reason with yourself about how it is a good buy. When we got home to put all her new stuff together the majority of what she bought had something wrong with it. but all in
all it was good buy plus she has new stuff in her apartment to make it even more homey. i can't wait to go back.
Yesterday my husband brought me home my fav. flowers it was a nice suprise. he hung out outside in the afternoon and blew up our pool. riley had so much fun just running in it. today we'll get to test it out.
Sunday is fathers day and i'm so excited for david- we get to celebrate him which is awesome cause well we love him and he's such an amazing father. i can't wait.
AND... Riley turns two next weekend. this will be a special time too cause hopefully all her friends will be there and they'll get to play and she'll actually know and be more aware of what is going on. i'm so excited.
Summer is going pratty well and i'm enjoying it overall even if it is oh so hot.

when i went off to college i noticed something you start to have your own book collection. I suppose that is when it really starts you get a book collection , it can either be school books or books you read in leisure or books you need to read for school - lit students always seem to have a really good collection cause well they like to read. Anyways I decided soon after starting college and my moving spree that i wanted to have a good collection. i in-visioned having a huge bookshelf full of books. The two houses i have lived in had book cases - i was very proud of the first bookcase i used because i almost filled up the whole thing with all my books making me realize i had more than i thought. Then when we moved here - we now have a glorious bookcase. it's huge. takes up almost the whole wall. it's wonderful. top to bottom shelves. the first top shelves are full with cd's - yes this could of been utilized better probably by books and use a few cd towers for the cds but alas i have a huge cd collection as well and i have cd towers they get in the way and take up too much space , we had three at the old house and still had an overflow of cases. -maybe one day well do a cleaning get rid of them all and keep all cds in the cd books we have which are almost full as well. anyways the other top shelf is for some of our movie collection - got a lot of those - i probably could have fit these in some other place but i gave up one cabinet for rileys hidden toy place - anyways the rest of it down is filled with books .. which looking at it is very nice - somewhat a sense of accomplishment. i'm missing one book that i really really want that i use to have but lost - called the golden apple - bout the Trojan war - read it in 7th grade and loved it. one of the few school books in high school i read - anyways there is a slight flaw in my collection- a self help book- yes i at one point - i think i was not fully thinking- ventured into the self help section - thinking well this book really isn't self help , how funny that they put it in this section- and bought this book. other than that i love my collection- ex specially my ever growing young adults / children collection. i've already handed down my kid collection of dr s' and other children / toddler books i had - her new collection is located on the very bottom level. - growing up and still to this day my parents own a ton of books they are everywhere . (maybe this is why i want just a ton of bookshelves) but alas all their books deal in some sort of way with either travel or psychology, a few deal with history- other than that not a ton of diversity. i wish i had wanted to read more in high school - i had more time in in my life then- probally a lot of time i wasted - plus i was always grounded cause of grades - of and on - bout every other semester during 10th and 11th - that time i could have read... oh well.

anyways the reason i even started to think about books is because today i was cleaning out some of riley's things and getting re organized. seeing what clothes she needs and such- getting clothes she doesn't fit in anymore together for her cousin. organizing her toys and her room. so it got me thinking what else i could move around and where everything was. making sure i was organized and as tidy as could be - all that coming from the mess i created in our last house of just pure clutter.
Sometimes i wish i could go back t0 a time when i enjoyed being barefoot running thru the neighborhood , going on adventures. i dunno what happened but lately i can't stand for my feet to feel dirty- feeling the dirt on my feet = yucky. maybe it'll just pass.

right now i'm surrounded by a tuckered out family riley is laying on the floor with her blanket and lela is laying right beside me on the couch.

todays best moment - sitting in the car listening to music on the way home and riley after being oh so quiet ever so softly saying hey momma.

swimming on monday and i cannot wait- diving , laps, sun bathing. i can't wait.

if you got this far and read all - you deserve a gold star- here you go!

way overdue for a post i suppose. my faithful husband has been checking for updates. Last weekend was simply wonderful. Dave and i had a movie marathon night full of harry potter and sushi - my absolute most fav. thing. It was fun but so hard to stay up so late. The next day we went to the zoo and had lunch with a giraffe. Saw some wonderful tigers , brown recluses - i want to stamp out that who species. The monkeys were as always entertaining. the black bear was pretty awesome sat right at the edge and was clawing a thing of wood - i wanted to give a big old hug . then the monkey that came to the edge of the water and held out his hand for food - sneaky little thing he was. So much fun. Dave sort of lost rileys puppy but someone turned it in- faith in humanity restored. Hopeing dave and i will go out once again on another date. sometime soon . This weekend my brother is having his engagement party should be fun. hope i see a lot of old friends. i gotta take the pictures. so much fun!

Dave is playing softball tonight and i think the babe and i are gonna go see him play. should be fun.
I have an eye infection /allergy not sure - doesn't look like anything is wrong with it but i have to put these drops in for a week cause me eyes hurt and felt like something was in them - that also means i have to wear my glasses all week - which sucks! i don't like my glasses not one bit but i suppose it will be good for me. we'll see.

Time to get to work i suppose so i can do something eventful and usefull for today.

our dog has developed this odd habit of getting underneath our bed. not too sure what's going on there.

hmm i think i may make a decent lunch for myself today- i've been wanting to make these hot cold sesame noodles but it has a peanut thai dressing - dave doesn't like the peanut butter in it. so i think i'll make it for myself today.
work , cook, and maybe read some , then softball.
sounds like a pretty good day.
time to go dance with riley

one word
HUMBLENESS
the world--- i hate the world and all it's temptations, it's lies. it's pride.
i find my self tempted and tested about loving them ( the people of the world - living of the word) . and making sure i don't have anger . mernt. at this moment i am catching myself - or rather the holy spirit is doing a little tugging. humbleness. in their pride i find how much more i need to be humble.( do we do things for our own personal gain and glory - oh look at me how great i am- or do we do them for his glory - look at him he did this not i , i am just a vessel ) i see who christ is and how we should live - IN HIM- and see how some people just don't get it - the plain and simple facts- how so many of us are blind to our own wretchedness. we don't want to see it.
but u know what we need to see it - cause when we do we so how much more we really do need christ and how awful we are . and how splendid and wonderful and perfect he is.

i am happy and joyful when i am in him, walking in the spirit glorifying him. When i am most unhappy is when i focus on me and i'm not walking in the spirit.

My focus needs to be elsewhere.

i find for me making bread is calming, and quiet and a simple wonderful time to praise him and glorify him with it - i know that probally sounds a little odd - but there is something so beautiful to me about making bread , how everything works together - how it rises and turns golden and makes this fluffy loaf- all the grains and earthly ingredients - pure ingredients that go into it. then giving the loafs away so that others can enjoy the gift that God has blessed u with - sharing the same joy with others.

this weekend - i get to see my husband - which is always well a pure and wonderful treat. i laid in bed this morning wishing he was still laying beside me , thinking about the word husband and how sweet it was and how i loved saying it - my husband- my loml. my other half. i get to see him tonight and play music with him- seeing now and realizing how much of a gift that is to be able to do that with him, to share something with him that he loves so much. ( so get the keyboard baby - i'm in)
not only to i get this blessed time with him but also with my extended family - they are coming in to town- i get to see some of my best friends - love on them and encourage them- i'm happy to just to be able to be there for them. I can't wait to see them. I alwasy look forward to seeing those smiling faces.

what a blessing.

Riley just pullled up my old rocking chair and climbed in it to be by me on the same level and see what all i am up to , i think it's time to go play and get ready for lunch.

A thunderstorm is slowly rollling in and at the moment my mind feels like a rain puddle with millions of different thoughts and ideas falling in at every moment.

The men of our village are currently working once again on our road- trying to fix it but i think they are making it worse , we'll see what comes of this lets run dirt back and forth over the road. my newly cut lawn is wonderful. last night dave put together riley's wagon and did a fantabulous job - this morning riley and i went for a little stroll while the dog did crazy circles around us. while looking around i realized the ants have taken over - but i think dave declared war on them on saturday so i think dave will win. i'm so greatful for him, what an everyday blessing he is and how greatful am i that i get the privelage to lay next to him at night and wake up to his great and wonderful face in the morning. I was thinking about how everything started out with us and how precious that time is to me. He was straight forward , honest. i didn't have to guess with him or wonder, i knew how he felt, he was and is genuine. He didn't play games. And that's pretty awesome to me. I know his character and i'm greatful for that as well. That God has molded him and shaped him that way. That he is in christ and shows that. glorifing him. what an encouragement he is for me.

So riley is pretty much adorable. She's so smart. talking and able to say more words.
responding to music by doing what it says, or singing with it . Then responding to moments in movies like with an uh o or a scream. She loves happy feet right now and everytime the seal tries to get mumble - the main penguin she runs and screams like she is being chased too, then any moment when something happens that is an uh o moment she does it.
she is entertainment. Right now she is dancing around the room.

Time is so precious. Looking forward to seeing my fav. person in the world , reading, painting, cooking, and baking.

my lawn needs mowing.

i'm apathetic towards music and love that my husband is not and that he gives me time to discover it for myself and love it with him. Sometimes when i listen to music i feel like i've heard it before.... i think it comes from him singing those songs around the house, in the shower. and thanks for that. spoon is my new love. i'm currently obsessed with everything stranger than fiction.

family time at the park this afternoon. i'm so excited.

"Lead me , O lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies- make straight your way before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit." Psalm 5:8-9

"keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies" Psalm 34:13

"When words are many , sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise" Proverbs 10:19

"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Proverbs 21:23

"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone" Proverbs 25:15

" Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer by who meddles in a quarrel not his own. like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says "i was only joking" . Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.... The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. A malicious man disguises himself with his lips but in his heart he harbors deceit. though his speech is charming do not believe him for seven abominations fill his heart..... A lying tongue hates those it hurts and a flattering mouth works ruin." Proverbs 26: 12-20. 22-25, 28

" A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger , the tongue of the wise commends knowledge but the mouth of the foll gushes folly." Proverbs 15:1-2

There is much much more. I decided this morning after reading my study to do an additional study, my heart was weighed heavily upon this morning by the subject of tactfullness, tongues, and maturity. I found the most verses dealing with tongues in Psalms and Proverbs and the harshness and truth of the words well it's unsettling it's so true . it's gets u. It speaks volumes and all of us are guilty of such things. And that is convicting to me.
Now Tactfullness i first learned about tactfulness from Joseph- you know the many coat of colours - yup That boy did not know who to keep his mouth shut and it got him into a ton of trouble. When i think of tact i think of him.... he did in his life learn how to be tact full- i think that comes from maturity and wisdom. knowing when and what to say. Not just blabbing your mouth, running it around town , being loose with your words. Proverbs is a book of wisdom and discipline, prudence, discernment. The words run deep and true, speaking with conviction. The best most use full tool is the book i have here , the Bible. The one i am currently looking at was a wedding gift from our pastor that married us and probably the best tool we could use in our marriage.

The tongue - what a weapon it is. As you see from the verses above it can be used wisely or carelessly. How destructful it is. Hurtful.

- Gold there is , and rubies in abundance , but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. Proverbs 20:15

God is truly teaching me these things , tact fullness, wisdom, discernment, speech ( the use of my tongue), and maturity ( what is looks like ) . Though i think i am learning from my mistakes and the hard way i suppose. How precious is my family and my husband. Our relationship is so precious and sacred i need to treat it that way with the utmost respect. I. Discernment. Advice should come from those i respect. I am learning to choose my words wisely and constantly ask God to guide my words and heart and mind. Everyday , every thought that he be in them and over them. That i speak with wisdom, and guidance , that i am tactful. That i glorify him with this. That my life is one where i continue to mature in him and live a life that shows this . That i can be pleasing not only to Him but to by husband as well.

So i am staying home today in hopes that at the end of the day we will sell dave's car. We're having a few people come look at it and my cell phone at the moment has taken on a life of it's own that i had to change the greeting to if u are calling about the maxima for sale...... speaking of here we go again. ok anyways Yesterday i got to go down to Hattiesburg , my old town, to see my fav. person. I love thursday day trips , they always seem to be the best. And i think riley likes them just as much as i did , even though she had a run in with a ladder and then later on a few chairs . She seems to love the visiting and going around new places and towns. And she just loves loves loves sunglasses. She really digs the over sized look.
This weekend we will be close to being the only family left in town...sadness. All the sprayberry's will be gone. And my parents will be leaving around Monday or Tuesday for Italy - NO FAIR! I'm craving a date with the boy but am afraid we will have to improvise. We'll see what happens. I'm starting to realize the moments where dave and i need to be closest are the moments that we are going to be under the most attack.
I'm back on the hunt for the perfect mommie bag. The one i just got riped and will be sent back becasue it could not fullfill it's purpose - sadness. maybe another one of it's kind will return maybe not - i haven't decided it's fate just yet. The highlight though for this weekend will be when i come home with a brand new foam mattress topper - we have one on the twin bed , our bed has a down alternative that well got lumpy and does not perform it's job well either - so for our bodies sakes ( backs and necks) we are getting a foam temperpedic topper - i cannot wait - i've been waiting all year for this literally- waiting a year!

The weather is amazing, hoping to sit outside on the porch today while riley plays safari with the animals , maybe even read desperaux - how i've missed that little mouse . The weather makes me want to put on a cute little outfit , nice coat and go out for coffee and dinner and just some good quality time with the boy - i think i got it scheduled. Life is too crazy you go from having all this time and going thru life planning and not worrying about a thing to having responsibilities like work and school. Making time for each other is so ultra important ( while i write this i think i should add that riley just rolled onto her back and is acting like a coach roach. but still talking to the zebra and horse) Dates r even more important - to get that one on one time to get to know your spouse even more. There's so much more to learn about him and same for him for me. But that's the fun part. Finding more to love about that person. I like us, genuinely like us, i just wanna go play with him so badly and i'm waiting for the day that we both wear the same t-shirt - running into eachother after school or work at work or home- and look like the gooby couple we are .

A poopy smell is starting to linger in the room and i think i'm being called back to my job. fun times. at least when i'm done i'm gonna try to make some sushi rolls. yummy yummy.

parenting. when you are a parent and raising a child you get a lot of critizism and advice- some of it unwelcome , not asked for. everyone seems to have an opinion and view on what you do. And it's tiring and hard. and troubling. I've learned i have to continually keep my focus on christ and realizing that we are raising our child the way we need to , being lead by christ. Lord lead.
we go through knowing there is a chance that we are being judged , being ridiculed, being constantly picked at. But we cannot focus on that , if we do that can tear us apart, tear a relationship apart , we start to let frustrations and anger take over, having short tempers with our child, disciplining out of anger not out of love. that is a dangerous thing. Its a daily thing as most things are. to give her to christ to give ourselves over to christ. saying she is not ours we are not ourselves. you bought all of us with a price, we are yours. your servants.
We cannot worry about what the world thinks, what the world says. Only about Christ, what he says. I say this not as this is what you need to do, rais your child like this. i mearly write this as a kind reminder to david and i.

And the opinions of others and views and harsh words and looks may hurt. but all of that must be givin to God. And we must go on knowing and reminding ourselves where our focus is , and keeping a fixed eye on him.

we will make mistakes , but we must forgive eachother and ourselves and know that we are forgiven. and to not hold on to those mistakes but learn. And continually give it to God everyday.

you are an amazing father that has already taught your child so much. she looks up to you, and loves you. she's watching us and that is a scary but true fact. Know that God is guiding you and leading you, rest in him, trust in him. giving everything and anything , all to him.

forgiveness is a huge thing and a hard thing. it's an everyday choice. to forgive as christ forgave us. an easy thing to say but a hard thing to do. to love as christ loves. hugeness.

i'm wanting desiring the things that are not of this world. i constantly desire wisdom, grace, a gentle and kind spirit- lovingkindness. for these things it must be him not me.
no longer i but christ.......it's not about me. in a world full of i i i and me me me. everyday death to self. i've never realized how important this is until now. how needed it is. how necessary. it's an everyday lesson but also an everyday choice. to take the wisdom my husband gives not as critisism but as helpful advice, and same for him. no one wants to hear or see how horrible they are. pride- it gets in the way and is something seen as ugly that no one wants to admit- add some selfishness to that. i am ugly. i'm ashamed of my behavior and who i am. the sinless self. but Christ can take all of that away and make it beautiful. glorifying him. and that is wonderful and beautiful and hopeful. i despise my sinful self. i'm glad it's him and not i.
i crave and want a servant heart.


riley has been an everyday blessing. I think God has used her to show me and teach me. a little person, small and meek, still learning in this world is used to teach her mother about selflessness and grace and unconditional love. i love her spirit and who God is molding her to become i can't wait to see her continue to grow.
She is really blossoming. her imagination is great, the games we play are amazing. it hleps bring back my child imagaination to be able to play those games again. today we are going to cook - make some homemade cookies and granola.

small mississippi towns fill and melt my heart. I was able to go up to oxford yesterday and have a day of fun. Oxford is just such a special place and has a lot of special people there. Eating at bottletree is always an enjoyment and the first thing to do when i enter town. The coffee is simply peerfect and the food amazing. while we were there we managed to destroy the table we were at but at least we had fun in the process - riley thought the whole experience was hilarious and exciting. It was fun getting to share something i loved with her and seeing her same love and enjoyment for it. Running thru rowan oak was the best though. watching out for hiding ninjas and standing underneath the magical rowan tree that fairies come out of at night. and i suppose sit on gummy dew drops. Jim's imagination is a beautiful thing and a wonderful gift that i am so greatful i get to experience at times and reminds me of how i need to stay and be. Imagination is a blessing and a wonderrful gift. The tree of candy lollipops though was the best.

we listened to rafi on the way home and it brought back great memories and she loved it , she didn't want it to end but it had too of course.

Rest finally came last night. And calmness is here for now - thanks lord! He's teaching me- humbleness. and to not think of myself - i really want a servant heart. i'm owrkin towards that - well no i can't do it on my own accord i'm letting God work on me and change that in me. Hopefully I will not get in his way.

today will be out first haircut for riley. i'm interested to see what will happen.

so i feel like i've been in a fog for the last week or so. my brain has been on overload i believe i didn't finally get any clarity until i got some time alone. and all of a sudden thought started to enter my brain.

i'm slowly being able to breathe again slowly but surely it's coming back. i think for the first time i realize i have too much on my plate and need help.

sometimes its so hard to think and concentrate and i just want to rest at God's feet. jsut rest in him , in his pressence cause right now that's all i really know what to do.

i'm realizing that over time i've read things and said yeah i so get that and oh yeah i understand that lord - scriptures, praise songs. but only now looking thru the trails and jsut well time i realize ya know i don't think i fully understood that. and now i am learning to appreciate it a lot more things such as a broken and contrite heart - understanding that and wanting that.
sometimes i don't know if i or any of us really realize what we ask of God , what are we really asking- when we ask to have a servant attitude and to hsow grace do we really get it - what that takes - that takes it not being us but all him. sacrifice on our part - are we really willing to do that? if the desires of our heart is too really be conformed and follow him and be molded and glorify him that is something we have to do. give up the us part.

also i think i'll take all the hard times and trials over easy street cause God has taught me so much and those times are special because of that.

i'm asking God for wisdom and to help me make some wise choices. and peace and rest in moments where sometimes there seems so few.

so four years ago i put up this brick wall- totally surrounding me. ( i got broken and i put myself back together poorly)
apathetic, bitter, sarcastic, selfish, yeah pretty much trying to protect myself from anyone hurting me , getting in - all that jazz.
well then came along a boy. and God used that boy. to take down each and every brick one at a time. this boy came along with his wonderful family and slowly but surely the girl , me , got put back together.
thanks to said boy - which God used- i've drawn closer to God and am loving him more everyday and letting him shape me.


Dave's mom is quiet an amazing lady and she has cancer again. metastic. not a good thing.
I love her. and i'm not sure if she realizes how much i love her. She has done nothing but love me and riley. I've been jealous at times - yes i know how stoopid can u get- cause well she's amazing and a great mother and cook and does all these things for her family and she's thoughtful and she's been there for me and given me advice and been supportive and well like i said wonderful. She is the example to me and for me of what a Godly woman is. And i need her. I need her wisdom, i need her love, i need her advice and drinks over coffee and all the things i missed out on when i was younger. Her and her husband embody for me christs unconditional love. she is a testimony to me. and she has no clue. i'm gonna let her know cause i feel if i don't i'll always regret it.

I'm praying hard right now for the doctors and their judgement and care for her. For her to be strong to fight this. my bother in law wrote that he is never going to stop having hope.
and i agree.


it's raining right now - and the sound is somewhat comforting.
i know God has this and i'm just going to have to rely on him and rest in that. That is really all any of us can do. Cause we are not in control at all. He is , and you know what i'm glad.
it's scary but i'm so glad that his ways are not mine , cause he has a plan and a reason for everything - though i don't know it , though i can't see it - he can and he's in charge.
And knowing who he is and his character that is a good thing.

i'm so greatful for my husband - i've known him for a while and throughout our friendship , dating and marriage he's been probally the closest person to me - he can call me out on things- he sees my sinful nature - he sees the things i can't see and don't want to see. And though it is hard to deal with those aspects in my life and i tend to not want to - i think a lot of people don't want to think about themselves in a negative light - but i am greatful that i have someone who loves me enough to do this for me but not only does he do these for me he encourages me in my daily walk and life. Which is awesome. i also had great friends that i could turn to which was a huge blessing.
anyways my point is this :

We are called to live in community; this impacts not only our understanding of personal needs and our interpersonal relationships, but also our struggle against temptation and sin. Praying for God to “deliver us from the evil one,” means embracing one of the greatest protections God has given us: each other.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, we protect each other from self-delusions. Sin is deceptive (Heb 3 v. 13). We usually sin because we rationalize our behavior. We convince ourselves it’s no big deal. Our heart and will surrender to the excuses of our mind, and only someone else can point out our self-deceit. A loving brother or sister needs to say, “You’'ve got it all wrong. And you’re headed for disaster.” In addition to admonition, we need encouragement when we’re ready to throw in the towel.

One of the best and hardest parts of Christian discipleship involves our relationship with other believers. Sometimes it seems easier to go it alone. But that misses our calling as part of the body of Christ, the great building of God (see 1 Cor. 3).

Hebrews 3:7-19

i really loved these verses cause it shows how important fellowship is and makes me so greatfull for the fellowship i have in friends, family, and the church.

so i'm reading the tale of despereaux and it's quite amazing. i'm finding a lot of undertones and truth - especially with the whole light and darkness in the world. And how desp. goes against the norm and stands up for what he believes is right. She mentioned the word perfidy and this story has so much of it in there.... which is sad because there is a lot of it in the world but it makes desp. that much more sweet and the story that much more wonderful and true. I love absolutely love despereaux. i can't wait to read this to riley one day.

i've started being less lazy in the kitchen in the mornings. i've actually put breakfeastes together the last few days and i've enjoyed it.


i want to take my fav. person out on a day date this weekend. saturday night we are going to hattiesburg to see some friends play. and well while we are in town i wanna take him to a potter y/ canvass painting store and paint something together - i know it's gooby and corn but i think he would really appreciate it and it would be fun with him plus i've always wanted to check those places out. and this place is decently priced.

so this past weekend i went to oxford, it was simply wonderful. it was so cold. my face was frozen half of the time and i doubled up on jackets but even though it was cold it didn't ruin the weekend i think it made it better, running around in the cold with friends - was simply wonderful. sitting around a table, drinking coffee and enjoying the conversation and company. wonderful times and memories. I miss it. Sunday i stood in the bread department at kroger and got sad cause it wasn't bottle tree and all the baked goods would pale in comparision. i got spoiled this weekend with good times. But i'll be up there again.
i just really enjoy small towns and small mississippi towns in particular.
but it is good to be home and being home makes me enjoy those moments away even more and not take then for granted and in the same turn being away makes me appreciate home as well and the friends i have here. if only we could all be in one place. i have two new books - girl meets god and the tale of desperaux - i started desperaux last night and i'm already in love. i'm glad i'm reading again - i got inspired to while in oxford - having the background noise of an old movie on the screen eating strawberry fields out of a coffe cup with a measuring spoon cuddled up on a couch reading breakfreast at tiffany's ...... i was reminded i loved these moments.

i painted last night it felt good. i'm pretty pleased with it as well. it's a tuscan sunset.

prayer is not telling God what he already knows, it's actively trusting him.
i worry way too much. it's actually a problem for me . it can cause phsyical pain if i let myself worry so much. worry is not trusting God and i whole heartedly know this. But i think i worry and wonder too much about how i appear or what others think of me . I tend well no i do forget my value to him. And that alone should be enough. I think some of the clouds in my mind are starting to part.

Going to clinton today to hang out with a dear friend. can't wait.
also meeting up with a friend to plan a bridal shower for another friend. should be fun

i get to go to oxford this weekend i'm really really pumped i've been wanting to go the last four years and i finally get to go visit some awesome people.


Tomorrow is valentines day and i'm hoping for a good one. i have some things up my sleeve . hopefully he does too. we'll see , we'll see.

so i got it this morning. i got it - it all became so clear i'm doing my devotion this morning on Hebrews 11, it's about faith - faith in what we know and what we can't see. faith is knowing God's character and his work and his promise.

God is not an ever changing god, God does not change with the culture. He is not a one size fits all god. He is God. He is the same today yesterday and tomorrow. He is faithful. He is true he cannot contradict himself. That's what is so amazing about him . He is God.

His requirements for the dealing of sin was fulfilled when Jesus offered himself as the one perfect and holy sacrifice to pay the wage for our sin. God was satisfied when he did this. His prophecy was fulfilled.

You can depend on him to be the same God. and i take comfort at that. That i can read his word and know him. that he isn't going to change on me or anything.

i've had the information , i've known these things but the light bulb just went on. it all clicks and i get it.

it's rainy and cloudy today and cold , and to me it's almost comforting.
i was going to go get my oil changed today and get a free car wash. but instead i'm staying in and i may even read while riley is taking an afternoon nap here in a few minutes. I've already read the jfp. but i think it's time for a book. that's one thing i miss about nursing and riley being so young that all she did was eat and sleep- that was the first time in forever where i would just sit and read and i loved it i looked forward to feedings cause i could read a cool book. but then she got older and midnight book readings ended. so today i will try to read some eudora welty or some grim adventures . i'm just not sure.

dave and i were going to go on a date tongiht - but we couldn't get a babysitter - pretty much our whole story for the weekend. no babysitter tomorrow either - so we're going to have a date here. i'm going to go run an errand pick up dinner and a movie and come home for a date. i mean who says you can't have a date at home why do we think we have to acttually go out and stay out and all the jazz i mean we use to have movie marathon night and we'd hang out at someones home and jsut watch movies - those nights rocked - so tongiht we get to have a date night at home - and i'm looking forward to it.

riley is toting around her tatered blanket gigi . and lela is doing spins trying to get my attnention cause she has to go peepee. nothing like a nice unplanned afternoon at home.


my hair is blue and i've gotta a new love nickname of blueberry.

there are some strawberries in my refrigerator and i think they are calling my name

this week has been somewhat trying. i've been doubting myself in probally every aspect. thinking i'm pretty much worthless- hating myself, and questioning myself on every aspect that i do from where should i go to the grocery store and cleaning. To am i good mom , do i give riley enough attention. i need to stop and just be myself. and not question everything so much cause if i just keep this up i'll be a depressed little person that hides underneath her bed and doesn't want to go outside.

i'm not a put together mom at all. i walk into cups and i'm a mess. riel yis trying ot put a top on somethign that well she's using hte wrong top and almost knocks over the whole drink then i have to throw that away while she attempts to join to older men in a conversation about dentures then tryies to push a chair all the way to the door. It's hard you think everyone is looking at you and judging you. and you know what so what if they are . my security does not lie in them. i think that's been my problem this week i've been focusing so much on all this negative and not realizing where my strenght and security lie. it's in christ. if i focus on myself - yeah i'm gonna be down and i don't how much growing i will do - but if i focus on christ then that makes a difference. for it's not me that lives but him who lives in me. i really like writting , i think it's the best way for me to think and get my thoughts out there.

everyday is a new morning and that's pretty awesome, cause everything is brand new.

riely is watching the wiggles. her fav show - then she'll take a nap. i'm pretty convinced these guys have no idea what they are doing. one of them named anthony when he sings he's not sure what to do like how do i lipsing- so he always starts off after everyone else. insteresting.

i'm redoing my hair today with a good old pal of mine. i think she's gonna like the bold choice i'm picking. hopefully it'll look good. i have ideas.

i'm in a downer today. completly. i feel ugh. i'm over thinking as usual. i need peace and some calm and for my restless mind to rest. i feel like it's going a million miles a minute. i've prayed.. next i'l read.

riley looks pretty adorable today. her little stomach and hair all in her face. she doesn't really want to have anything to do with me. hopefully later she will. i'm off to see a friend later this afternoon. so that should be great.

i did spin last night which was pretty awesome. except for the sore bottom. i think i may do it friday as well. then sat. do some yoga. i dunno maybe.

today i got up extra early to take my puppy in to get groomed only to fin out she wouldn't be ready when i could pick her up - no guarentee so she didn't get groomed - that means next week she'll be going to petsmart to get groomed. i was not a happy camper - but at least tonight is game might with some awesome people. and i get to hang out with them before this afternoon. should be fun.

so i'm sittin here with my computer and riley is sitting next to me - watching playhouse disney , her little hand is clutching her ankle. she fazes back in and stretches contemplates laying down on my lap but returns to an upright position sitting. this pretty much rocks.

- i think she may still be tired from last night - we didn't get home till 9- after spending the afternoon at jolies and eating dinner with them- we went to gravity and saw aunt ree and hung up some of my art. she had a pretty good time sitting at the counter. it feels good having my art up somewhere other than my gallery. i likey.

i'm staying home today to get some work done . maybe clean the tub- maybe- and do some paper work for my other job- peer counselour- and then maybe go ahead and vacum. and givethe riley a bath cause she loves to play in the water.

i think today will be a good day.

yoga on saturday......i really really really can't wait.

riley is watching the wiggles and in the middle of the song sites down and lays on her back and put her legs in the air - and then makes noises every once in a while.
oddness.... but addorable

i hate money. and i hate ebay. darn it and it's pictures and bids and buy me nows. i just like to look right now i think i'm out of the habit of i wanna buy.darn swanky boutiques and sale racks and all stores..... i saw a shirt today and thought about buying it . i needed a good slap the hand bad emmi- cause frankly i don't think i need anymore clothes ...... if u saw my closet...and well dresser ......and well u would be ashamed.......
anyways money sucks and i hate spending it and i hate wanting to spend it and i hate it even more when the bills roll in . but bills rolling in reminds me that i want to be a good stweard with the money that the lord has given me. it's an everyday thing.


christmas spoiled me......its back to being cheap cheap cheap.

and thinking.

so i'm going to be haning new works in my gallery this weekend and i'm pretty pumped. but what i'm more pumped about is that i may be going on a date this weekend with this boy- and he's well wonderful. he's been a complete goof and joy lately. realllllllly sweet. so i'm excited.

so i'm sitting in my home alone. and its weird i've actually never had a night alone at home and i mean completly alone , just me and the dog. and it's not too bad - it's nice - relaxing - i want to maybe do this once in a while.

I walked in the door - stampeded to get the dog out of it's cage and got greeted by a very full little bladder that needed to go out- i unloaded the car - got followed and jumped on , almost knocked over by my little friend. cleaned up after myself and my little girl, tried on a dress- loved it - and then sat down and ate dinner. as i was doing everything i realized this could have been me - alone with a dog at home - and while it is nicce to have this time and i really enjoy it - i don't enjoy it that much - i love my life and its in that moment i love that i'm a wife and a mom. i mean yeah riley has her moments but i wouldn't know what to do without her - she's my best friend my buddy, and dave well yeah i know i don't know what to do without him. Sunday he had to stay home from church so riley stayed with him and well after church i felt so awkward and strange - i didn't know what to do with myself. anyways my point is though i like this moment i wouldn't want it everyday or for the rest of my life. so i type here watch tv and basically fart around while i wait for my husband and darling little girl to come in the door and for lela to follow barking to greet them. and it will be a wonderful moment.

so i'm kind of without words today. Yesterday we found out that dave's mom has some cell's poping back up - she had breast cancer. and so it looks like shes going to have to do chemo again. Which i hate. I've grown to love this woman so much , like another mother cause well she is, she's my mom in law. I realized last night that well in the past two years a lot has changed. When dave and i got married i think i was wearing this protective shell. and now that shell has had a lot chipped off. i'm not trying to protect myself as much or put up a front or whatever it maybe called. I'm finding that slowly i'm becoming more myself around them. anyways she's so sweet. too sweet. She's probally the most thoughtful though pushy at times with food and other things it all comes from this wonderful place. And i sincerly hate hate hate hate hate that she has to do chemo again that it has even come up. It's not fair its not. She's started teaching again and she's doing so well and to have to do it all over again. Supposedly it's going to be not as rough as the last time.
I dunno if i show her or them how much i love them. I don't even tell dave this. Although i started too last night. anyways pray for them. But mrs. mary is an amazing woman and i know she will have a good attitude and this just adds to her already amazing testimony but i just hate that she has to go through it. and deep down it's a little scary.

so i've spent the last two days at home- weirdness and actually got some work done for the job i don't like but am starting to understand and just well try to have a good attitude and please God with it knowing that it can be a testimony to those mothers - isn't that why i took the job. anyways well i'm starting to do that job like i should i suppose. So like i said we've been here for two days no outside human contact. It's cold outside but i'm thinking about braving it. and going out to play i have no idea where we will go or what we're gonna do but after lunch we are getting outta here.

I have this really old rocker. creekes and cracks and sways- it's beautiful - antique of course. and there are these two pillows one big one small. riley likes to take them out put them on the floor. She lays her head on the big one and places gigi her blanket on the other. to be a kid.
i've decided probally one of my fav. sounds is her running through the house. sounds like a baby elephant.
I'm pretty sure Riley helps me keep my child like wonder.

i sort of still like this thing. bloggers that is. this one feels more like it's underwraps , secret and all. my little girl is pushing on me right now trying to climb and inch her way to the screen hoping to get a glimps or hear johnny and the sprites her fav. t.v. show atthe moment. and there she goes pitter pattering away. for some reason i can write better on here than anywhere else. xanga i just can't do it. i dunno why. i may start updating on here more. journaling and all like i should. even though i know no one reads this. which maybe is for the better. so i own a gallery now and i want to do my best my very best. i want to glorify God with it but i'm not too sure how i guess by doing my best. and honoring him and giving him the glory. I'm afraid i won't be able to do it forever or that i'll have to quit. but i hope not. I'm married. and he's wonderful. he doesn't know it but he is. i don't even think i realize how much i do really love him. but i do. i think i try to close myself off sometimes or be stand-off ish but i shouldn't he loves me. and why would i do that . who knows. i feel like there is so much i need to know about him, so much more to learn. and i wanna and i want him to learn about me too.. he comes home today after work. maybe we'll ge to goof off. who knows. tomorrow i'm hoping to do something worth wild. have fun, go to a park. something. we'll see.

i sort of still like this thing. bloggers that is. this one feels more like it's underwraps , secret and all. my little girl is pushing on me right now trying to climb and inch her way to the screen hoping to get a glimps or hear johnny and the sprites her fav. t.v. show atthe moment. and there she goes pitter pattering away. for some reason i can write better on here than anywhere else. xanga i just can't do it. i dunno why. i may start updating on here more. journaling and all like i should. even though i know no one reads this. which maybe is for the better. so i own a gallery now and i want to do my best my very best. i want to glorify God with it but i'm not too sure how i guess by doing my best. and honoring him and giving him the glory. I'm afraid i won't be able to do it forever or that i'll have to quit. but i hope not. I'm married. and he's wonderful. he doesn't know it but he is. i don't even think i realize how much i do really love him. but i do. i think i try to close myself off sometimes or be stand-off ish but i shouldn't he loves me. and why would i do that . who knows. i feel like there is so much i need to know about him, so much more to learn. and i wanna and i want him to learn about me too.. he comes home today after work. maybe we'll ge to goof off. who knows. tomorrow i'm hoping to do something worth wild. have fun, go to a park. something. we'll see.