so four years ago i put up this brick wall- totally surrounding me. ( i got broken and i put myself back together poorly)
apathetic, bitter, sarcastic, selfish, yeah pretty much trying to protect myself from anyone hurting me , getting in - all that jazz.
well then came along a boy. and God used that boy. to take down each and every brick one at a time. this boy came along with his wonderful family and slowly but surely the girl , me , got put back together.
thanks to said boy - which God used- i've drawn closer to God and am loving him more everyday and letting him shape me.


Dave's mom is quiet an amazing lady and she has cancer again. metastic. not a good thing.
I love her. and i'm not sure if she realizes how much i love her. She has done nothing but love me and riley. I've been jealous at times - yes i know how stoopid can u get- cause well she's amazing and a great mother and cook and does all these things for her family and she's thoughtful and she's been there for me and given me advice and been supportive and well like i said wonderful. She is the example to me and for me of what a Godly woman is. And i need her. I need her wisdom, i need her love, i need her advice and drinks over coffee and all the things i missed out on when i was younger. Her and her husband embody for me christs unconditional love. she is a testimony to me. and she has no clue. i'm gonna let her know cause i feel if i don't i'll always regret it.

I'm praying hard right now for the doctors and their judgement and care for her. For her to be strong to fight this. my bother in law wrote that he is never going to stop having hope.
and i agree.


it's raining right now - and the sound is somewhat comforting.
i know God has this and i'm just going to have to rely on him and rest in that. That is really all any of us can do. Cause we are not in control at all. He is , and you know what i'm glad.
it's scary but i'm so glad that his ways are not mine , cause he has a plan and a reason for everything - though i don't know it , though i can't see it - he can and he's in charge.
And knowing who he is and his character that is a good thing.