Yesterday i went to church for the first time in forever - because i was actually allowed out of my house to walk . i could go somewhere. so i went to church with my family. And after church the most dreaded question was asked : Where do you want to go eat.   

I'm on an all vegan diet what do you mean where do you want to go eat. The one place my husband knew would be a semi pleaser got a  bad look of please not there from the others.

Oh the pressure - oh the torture of being put on the spot - i thought i would pee my pants from the torture. as sweet was dripping down my forhead from the way too much attention being drawn to me to pick a place for everyone to eat. I finally just said to eat at backyard burger- because they had potatoes and it was way cheaper than anywhere else  they were naming and The last thing i wanted to shout out under the pressure was dang it people we are poor! poor! we can't eat a 20 -30 dollar meal for all of us - think 10 or none at all. Please just let us go home and be poor and eat our own food at our house! pleasE!!!!!!!! But i was trapped in the corner and put on the spot - next time after church i'm running for the car! 

Anyways so i picked this place that the last time i ate there i got sick too- why had i forgotten the day before my er visit. WHY?!?! 

so we went husband fed-check, daughter fed- check-  rest of family seemingly happy cause they like to eat out ALL the time - check. me - i got chicken- why i dunno i thought i might see if i could get some protein and i had some baked potatoe - and i couldn't eat it plain-  yes this place was so not on my diet.   fast forward to this morning. 

Yeah i got sick , sick again like i did the beginning of this year. but the last zofran i took i happened to keep down. Of course my husband was on the phone with me all this time this morning . telling me it'd be ok- i told him i was dieing of course- 

i'm doing better now that the medicine is kicking in for once. But my husband during the sickness and sounds and being married to the toliet told me he's going to gulfport in a few weeks for work.....overnight......without me. 

I'm going to need a babysitter for me . He cannot leave me alone. I don't know how to function anymore without him- this is not good. i'm already looking for someone to just come hang out for the evening no spending the night- just making sure that i don't fall on the floor and die or end up in the er - i mean anything is possible with this pregnancy.  David suggested that i go to my parents and my head exploded- because i could not fathom packing myself or someone else plus throwing a dog in the action......and i'm not suppose to pick up anything......yes head exploded and then i had to go take more medicine and make more sounds for my poor husband to hear. he deserves a reward for this pregnancy for what he has put up with and helped out with as well. So we both agreed - i needed supervision. 24- 48 hrs without him or without help is going to be too much.  So i need a babysitter. 

But i'm doing a little better now - i may even eat a pure vegan blt tonight for dinner- how i crave the combo of just bacon and tomatoes together-  even if it's vegan bacon and vegan mayo-  basically everything i eat is just tofu.....it all comes from tofu every last bit of it  and dang it do they make it taste good enough- they do. and i can eat it and i am greatful. God bless the tofu! 

thanks for reading -

there is currently nothing more intoxicating to me than fish sticks- i baked some for Riley for lunch and i wanted to goble up the whole batch.... that's the thing as a pregnant woman you crave things , most of the time things you can't eat or that you dn't eat- mine was a can't eat. oh well. i'm still on a quest to find the vegan version- which may mean i have to make my own who knows.

So i finally got some sunshine yesterday and today - though it rained in between- and my yard feels like a river ran through it . we have another bad wave of storms coming thru tonight and then we'll be in the clear. We're going to be trying to box up everything in the soon to be baby room tomorrow. I feel like the next few days will be busy in the sens of just there are things that we need to do around the house- but it will be nice. =)
On the way outside to survey the yard to see if there was any damage ( the only thing was a loose piece of siding that hopefully david can just pop back in today) i noticed my dog. we have a corgi / chihuahha mix. He's special. He likes to tear the stuffing out of things like his toys - i finally last year found bedding that he didn't try to tear apart in one day. Well i guess he doesn't like his bed anymore. Because for the last few days there has been a never ending pile of green stuffing coming out of his bed. I guess that's his way of telling me to buy him a new bed. I've never met a demanding dog that was so picky about what he sleeps in..... picky. next thing you know he'll be demanding i wash his sheets.

thanks for reading.

Rain until sunday....seriously not good news for someone who hates going outside when it's wet.
and someone who's mood is affected by gloom. Last night i was writing in my journal wondering about post partum depression- can you suffer from it before you deliver ??? This is not the pregnancy i was thinking of or hoping for - in the since i thought it would be easy like Riley's and i could be a big pregnant woman showing off her belly. I think i can still show it off once it decides to really show - right now it just looks like i need to get lipo or go on a diet for my belly fat =) i guess you could say i wanted more control- to be able to do what i wanted- when i wanted and not have to be at the mercy of others and subject to such a different diet plan.
But what i do know this about my pregnancy - it is in God's hands and this is what he has planned. And i know he is doing a work and working on me and shapping me - and dealing with me . I never realized for myself how much control is such an issue- but it is. and i'm seeing what it's like to have very very little. and i know it is better .
I must say i have learned that i much prefer the slower pace lifestyle i have come to know recently versus the fast paced life i put on myself and lived . I think riley likes it better too. And i like that i am more available to what God would have me do for the day and what he has planned instead of packing my day so full and having my agenda.
Anyways the main thing that got me wanting to write today was the question of When do you know when the door is closed???
My house has been on the market since last october. We had a buyer that backed out due to a divorce the week of closing. I still have a contract contingent on the sell of my house but it ends next tuesday. They may extend i don't know - but no matter what they do they will put it back on the market. BTW we already have money invested in that house - home inspection and all.
We have had interest and people that want the house but it just doesn't work out. But there is interest. steady interest. So when do you quit. When no one is interested. or when you loose the house you wanted. Or do you just wait till literally nothing is happening.
There are so many benefits to living in town- i can always find reason's to live there .
I only have one for here.
We will start packing up things and move some furniture as well into storage- cause well one of the reason's we need to move- we need more space we are starting to out grow this home.
But one great thing - i could be living in an apartment and having to walk my dog in the rain.... the only thing here is i walk out close the gate and let him out.... but at the same time if i lived in an apartment - i'd probally would have moved - but like i said it def. could be worse-
Anyways yesterday i prayed that if it was God's will for us to stay that he close the door. That if it's his will for us not to move- please close the door- i suppose now i should pray for him to take away the desire to move if it's his will we stay here. Hard things to pray when you originally didn't want to move and wanted to add on and stay here but your husband wanted to move and you prayed over it and asked God to move in your heart. and bam all of a sudden this desire that was never there is there- and you find the supposedly perfect house that you yern to be in. that it hurts. Hurting for a house- silliness. anyways i suppose that is why i'm torn- I thought this desire was from God , and we felt lead by him to do this to move . As a family we don't want the things that are not his will. Though i did do things in my power to try to make it happen faster in my timing. Now i am waiting on him and his timing. And starting to wonder what he is doing . And what are his plans. I'm due in August and with the previa it is unknown how i willbe doing nad what the next frew months will looks like- is bed rest in the forcast in the future- will we move after i "deliver"
questions questions questions. i think maybe i should stop thinking and asking questions and just wait.....wait ..... patiently wait.
I just know i don't want to push something that is not of him. and it's hard to see other people be able to move and us not ...... but that was God's plan and timing for them-
His ways are not my ways... and his timing for my family- is HIS TIMING.
so i wait , i wait to see what he's doing and what he has planned and wait to see if this is an open door or a door he is closing....
right now it feels like it's just hinged between half way open and half way closed- just depends on your perspective. So i suppose i will continue to look at it as a open door until he closes it shut.
i will wait on him.

Hoping for some sunshine so i can go lay in the grass with my daughter and look at the clouds.

Thanks for reading.

Yesterday we had our doctor visit and it went pretty well. We did find out and confirm i have complete placenta previa , which means the placenta will not move and i will have to have a c-section. Which i'm sad to miss out on that natural birth but know it is in God's hands and that's where i want it to be. I did get the good news that i'm allowed to get up more i just have to keep monitoring myself and making sure i take it easy.
I'm currently watching cinderella with riley. She loves the mice in the story =) , it's very cute and wonderful to get her dialogue on what is going on in the story. I've really enjoyed our time together and I think we will be taking her out of her school at Christ United, they have been simply wonderful but i do think it is time for her to be at home with me and me with her.
I'm interested to see what God has for my family and to watch him provide. I love watching back and seeing how he has gotten us to where we are right now and how he helped make the decisions we needed. I much rather wait on him then for me to go out and try to do it myself.
I want to write more but am currently completely distracted by Cinderella .

thanks for reading.

with a growing baby in my belly and a very restrictive diet i tend to get on the scale a lot to monitor what exactly is going on.
this morning i have found out i have actually gained weight- 4 lbs.
i don't know if it will stick around or for how long but it is a nice change to the usual lower numbers every day. So yay for a healthy weight gain.
Tonight david is going to be picking up food from a very very good burger joint in town the reason he is going - they cater to vegan people as well! joyful joyful- there is another resturant i can add to my list of places i can go. they have a tofu dish that looks delicious that i'm leaning toward we shall see. anyways i'm very excited about the new option.
Some of my new clothes arrived today. very excited. i love getting things in the mail- who doesn't.
Riley is still in love with her room- she's been playing in there all morning. Though this afternoon after nap time i'm going to paint her nails for her- make her feel special. =)


i'm having a hard time figuring out what vegan dish i'll be making next week - i'm leaning toward no cheese quesadilla's - we'll see i'm going to search my fav. website later today for ideas.
www.fatfreevegan.com
this has been my life saver since my body decided to go haywire from the pregnancy.
everything is really good, healthy and there is no oil- perfect for the person that cannot digest oils!
here is her blog too
www.blog.fatfreevegan.com
she has a really good strawberry cake recipe up now . try it i think you'll be surprised.


Thanks for reading.

so i read a few other blogs or i'll happen across some of them and i love how they incorp. pictures- I don't i wish i did but to me it's just so much trouble and i have a flickr to upload pictures onto - once uploaded it's over- i'm done.
i've decided with this new found freedom but also restrictions i need to go back to taking more pictures i've gotten away from a particular love of mine plus what i studied in school so i'm going to try to take more pictures and get back to my flickr account. i'm uploaded some recent pics of riley and also what we recently did to our house. anyways the link is on the right under mexicodreams.
you can also just go to www.flickr.com/dreamingaway i believe.
enjoy if you like doing that sort of thing - there's tons of different things on there

and yes i may have studied photography and art in college and majored in it - and if you personally think i stink you are entitled to your opinion- but also know i have been out for a very very long time =)

so not only am i still on bed rest but i am nesting. and to me there is nothing worse than a pregnant OCD nesting woman. My sweet sweet husband when i called and told him what i wanted to do said "Sure honey i'd love to help you." Letting did he know what he was getting into.
I went online to lowes and bought a kids organizer thing that i am in love with- and man do i love the buy online and pick up in the store- so this resulted in him getting off of work a few minutes early and picking up this thing from lowes. Then coming home and tearing apart Riley's room.
What started out as just Riley's room turned into Redoing Riley's room AND also moving all the furniture in the living room until my awful urge was met. All this having to be done by davids self while i just looked on and said where to put what because i'm not suppose to lift anything. I'm convinced dave will have back problems later on in life - which i think he'll agree- None the less . Riley's room is a masterpiece. It's organized , even the closet looks better and she has a ton of room- She has not come out of there yet today - she'll poke her head out to say how much she loves her new room- but she's been stuck in there all morning.
The living room didn't change too much - it just was like a jigsaw puzzle that we made more difficult but i'm pretty happy with the results. David did an amazing job.
The last thing my little nesting heart wants to do is to redo my office and box pretty much everything in there - i think it will have to wait though till next weekend cause it will most likely take the whole weekend and since the monster in my chest is alseep for now - why wake it. For now the nesting monster is happy but i know it will awake again.

Another great invention - online shopping- i've never loved it so much. for my birthday instead of actually gifts my family gives money and says you go buy what you want. this year i wasn't sure when i would be able to get out of the house and actually do that. hehe well hello online shopping. I did cheat earlier this week and got out of the house for a little bit- i got my hair done - i was sitting the whole time and all just in another location -which i haven't driven in 3 weeks and the day ended with me getting stuck in mud in front of my house- leason learned stay put in house on my butt.
But i am very excited about christmas in march- cause to me that's what it is like. I have clothes coming from urban outfitters, and a movie and a food processor from target, and even some jewelry. i can't wait!!

This weekend david is going to help me make nutella biscotti cookies- i have a dr's appointment on monday and since i feel like i owe the dr cookies for as long as i am pregnant since he fixed me to where i can eat. so i shower his office with food seeing as they've also seen me more in a month than a normal patient - some weird pregnancy urge most likely.
i'll let you know how they turn out.

thanks for reading.

God is completely overwhelming me with his love lately.
I don't think i could even really convey it correctly and fully through this.
This week i got loved on hugely by a dear friend who took time to just talk on the phone- a good phone conversation is just priceless too me - expecially when time is not an issue - how rarely do we give someone our time fully and not care how long we talk or what needs to be done- we just talk and give them attention- what a wonderful gift and blessing, was very much a huge encouragement and i cannot wait to talk again- i never knew what a dear friend i had until now and am ashamed i have not been better and have not taken advantage of her friendship.
I definatly underestimate how much i am loved and desire to be a better lover of others and a better friend- to care about others and let them know how much they are loved. I desire to give more.
My birthday is Monday and my husband totally threw me for a loop when he took me out last night and ended up back at my parents house for a surprise party i never saw coming- talk about humbling - that people would come to celebrate my birthday - some from out of town , some i hadn't seen in forever, some with young kids- what a wonderful group and blend of friendship- and my sweet dear husband had a huge web of lies conceived so i would not figure it out - everyone was in on it , my parents helped with the lies- which i don't endorse lieing but when it is for a great purpose of giving a wonderful gift of love- please go ahead- i even had a cake- my goodness. I do not think i deserve any of the trouble anyone went to , the cake, the food, any of it . i am blessed, and humbled, and overwhelmed with the love God has shown me this week through others. This has been by far the best birthday..... by far.
I love sitting and being at the feet of God asking and waiting for his will- and seeing what he is doing - what a blessing and gift. Yes i maybe on bed rest and yes my placenta is on my cervix ( yes that means i hugely cheated last night by my husband taking him out - but i was not going to rob him of his gift whatever it was going to be ) but i am greatful for this time - of just waiting - of not knowing - cause i know exactly who has me and where i am - in his loving hands. and sometimes when i sit in my recliner i feel and try to visualize that i am just sitting right in the palm of his hand - and everything else just falls away.
Don't get me wrong i still strong and have days where my flesh comes out in full force and i loose sight of it all. sometimes more than others- i am not perfect - i deserve nothing- But i'm starting to really realize the fullness and gift that is God's love.
The times i really loose sight is even a gift - cause it draws me back to him and humbles me at the same time - I am not that great and i cannot do anything without him. And what a picture to have - bed rest - sitting the majority of the day and week - not being able to do much without the help of another - that is how i should live - less my work and more his.


Thanks for reading.

so my new oil free dairy free diet is going well. being vegan not so bad. the cook (ellie) at the high noon cafe is making me a cheese cake tomorrow - she makes my fav. so i can't wait. it's oh so yummy- it's going to be raspberry- i would attempt to make one myself right now but i am currently on bed rest due to my placenta previa - my placenta is on my cervix and my spotting has picked up a little so i'm on bed rest for this week- and hopefully will be off next week. sorry if that was tmi for some. 

Obvioiusly God wants me at home - or at least resting. And i know full and well my life is not my own it is his. Plus i have this person i'm dying to get to know in my belly that i want to take care of. So God has been keeping me home more and more and more till finally i'm on bed rest. Which is fine. I really honestly want to do his will and want what he has for me. I wonder what exactly that is. Right now i sit and i listen and i wait. And am waiting for him to show me what he has. 

I do think i am going to paint today - i have an idea of what i want to do but am interested to see what happens. 

i turn 25 in less than 2 weeks. Riley keeps telling me my birthday is coming up. 

It's been really great to be home with her cause i am getting to see her sweet spirit and interesting personality .

This morning she told me "mommy when i this many i gonna be able to drive.....ooooh yeah"   the prolonged oh followed by the yeah is what really got me. I have been majorly blessed by my sweet family and am astonished and knocked on my back constantly humbled when i see their unconditional love - a shining example of jesus - what a testimony they are to me . If only i could shine as they do. and radiate like they - 

thanks for reading .