i'm devastated.  The buyer for my house has backed out ..... But the house we are wanting and have been praying over - they are willing to extend the contract. 

I'm at a loss. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt who my God is . 

He is mighty. He knows All. He has plans to prosper me. HE is working right this moment. He parted the Red Sea. He calmed the storms and raging winds. He healed the sick. He calms the storm inside me .He calms my anxious heart. 

We were so close. and i feel like it all just got taken away . the rug taken from underneath our feet. I feel like we are back at stage one. David says we are just halfway there. Inspections done and such. I'm praying for a buyer . Someone who wants my house- needs my house. Obviously it was not her.   Heartbroken. I thought we were going to be in Jackson for Christmas. Crying with joy that this finally happened. I dunno where we will be now - Florence or Jackson. I totally believe we could still move by the end of the year. I'm not betting on it . I'm hoping for it. I trust him. I really do. But that doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt. It hurts. 

At least we still have graduation to plan for and celebrate. 

And things could be so much worse. 

So now i'm back to waiting again. I'm going to escape into a book this afternoon. 

As dave said humorously this afternoon- at least we didn't go ahead and sell our bed. ( we were selling some items on craigslist -cause we have some stuff in storage still ) 

My hope and trust is not in man but in God. I know what he can do - i've seen it. 

I know what he's done in my life. I will wait . Patiently for what he has. 

Maybe we'll still move this month. I really hope so. I really do. I think that would be one of the greatest Christmas presents we could ask for. 

Please continue to pray for us. And for the person God has for our house. 

Thanks for reading. 

So we got the house we were wanting. We close on both on Dec. 12th. We are super duper excited.  I can't believe we are actually going to move into town. Plus that i have to pack up this whole house. I'm a little overwhelmed with it but i know it'll work out. 

I can't wait.  I love the location and the house- and the best part is it's really move in ready- we don't need to paint or anything. 

David is home today- i think he got the stomach bug - he was sick all last night. not fun. 

hopefully he is feeling better today. 

Thanks for your continued prayers- We are really excited about starting this new chapter in our lives. 

And as always Thanks for reading. 

Waiting and trusting .........

so Yesterday a woman (her name is Kimberly) came and looked at our house...... And she liked it .......she liked it so much she made an offer right then and there. We have accepted that offer.

I'm a little in shock - i hoped and prayed it would be this soon. But i didn't really think it was this soon- i was just waiting.  Our Closing Date is Dec. 12th - that's right three weeks from now. 

We did find a house we liked and put in an offer last night - we're waiting to hear.  If they don't accept I'll be searching this weekend for a home. 

please continue to pray for us in this area. We take complete comfort in knowing that God WILL provide. I'm waiting to see what that will look like but know that whatever happens it is what is best. And i love that. 

I Knew and took  comfort that God was moving and doing something 

It's awesome to start to get see what he is going to do - i'm thrilled and so thankful he has given us this awesome opportunity. 

Big Changes are coming for our little family and i can't wait to see. 

This really is HUGE. 

And it's all GOD.

Please please continue to pray for us. 

So riley started not feeling well yesterday morning. by 11 she had a fever of 102.3 . she's never had a fever that huge-it was slightly unnerving. i hate when she's sick. anyway she spent the night with me in bed - poor thing was quite pitiful. But by this morning her fever had broke. She's naping right now and i'm praying we are officially out of the woods. 

I'm relaxing while she sleeps . And david has been straightening up my house ( i ran to the store to fill up our cabinets with food for the week). because we are having someone come look at it tomorrow. Pray for us. 

Though work maybe a bit slow right now i am thankful. I'm here sitting on my pretty blue couch in my house i want to sell ( not because i don't love it - because of location) and i am thankful. For my pretty big windows where the light just pours in. For the lovely yard that seems to sing with life and colour and warmth. thankful for the time i have that i can sit in peace. Literally feel peace. And that says a lot - cause i'm a pretty stressful person- i get anxious and stressed about the littlest things - it's quite silly. But i have this great peace- cause God is in control. I have this great peace cause i know everyday is a beautiful gift. Come January my time at home will not be as much as i'd like - though i won't be away as much as other moms- i'm blessed for sure- but still i'll be working more - so i have this great time to enjoy my home, my family and my husband. To enjoy this awesome gift. Yes i could sit here and complain how i wanna work i need to work and what all i could do - etc. And trust me i've done that - I've fought with God so much - ever seen a kid through a fit and the parents try to hold them to calm them down- Yeah i'm that kid most of the time- But i finally had enough fighting - got tired and said ok - fine - even if i'm not too thrilled i'm gotta act thrilled till i am thrilled. Trust me i still have my moments and it's everything i can do to not go off the deep end with every kind of thought - Anyways I'm greatful that i get this oh so precious time with Riley. I maybe busy in Jan and i will really enjoy it . But i am also really enjoying the fact that i can sit on my couch and read. and read. I can do my bible study when i want. I don't really have to be anywhere- What a rare moment for anyone- we are such a nation of go go go busy busy busy that we don't take time to just sit. I had the must wonderful time yesterday sitting on the porch with my pup and with my God . Sitting and enjoying his creation. Such a rare time . 

I am trying to take advantage of this time - cause i know it won't be long till i might get lost again in the business of things and the rush of it all and i get lost . But i want to take the time now so when that rush comes - i don't get lost. - i feel i've rambled way too much- hopefully this has made some sense. 

By the way Riley is doing a great job with potty training- the main reason she hasn't been trained yet was because of me - i was too busy to just take time out to help her...... sad. 

But she is doing awesome. I am oh so proud of my big girl. 

Riley is up from her nap and i think there are somethings i need to do around the house before david gets home- We are going out on a DATE! yes a DATE! we haven't been on a date in a very long time - it will be so nice to be able to spend time together and to be able to go eat somewhere - to sit down and have a meal - break bread together-   

back to life. 

thanks for reading. 

i got all my hair chopped off , and when i mean chopped i mean chopped - like no hair lower than my ears. all gone. so long. i think i'm really excited about this because last night at swimming i got drenched my the kids- my hair got so yet- no there is less to get wet. yay. isn't that silly- i'm going to be teaching kids to swim and i don't want my hair to get yet - i know i'm pretty silly. By the way i love teaching swimming- it's really fun to work with the kids and they are oh so sweet. I'm really excited to see what God is going to do. I'm very thankful for this opportunity. 

Riley has an amazing imagination. she's been carrying around a small baby penguin. and she also got a small pink kitty. she asks people what they think about them have they seen em. Now we also speak to our shadows- yeah like peter pan. it's really never dull. 

I was reading The grace awakening by chuck swindoll ( one of my fav.) and he talks at first about millions of murders in our nation- getting away with murder everyday. Now one of the murderers is Murderer  of Joy- and i think about Riley and her amazing imagination. I don't want to me a killer of joy, hope, love, any of those things. And David is amazing at encouraging her and developing her imagination- Because of his help and encouragement - we not only have a pet alligator that goes thru our house from time to time and our dog is now a shark. We also have pirates that frequent our yard and you get rid of them by throwing ice cream at them---- yeah i know pretty awesome. I wish i was that creative- I pray that my imagination can once again re-blossom and my creativity flourish so i can join in on the creative imaginative family. What a gift and a joy. 

thanks for reading. 

so today we are all suppose to be voting today and well i did not register to vote when i moved . I thought once you registered to vote you were good you didn't have to re-register and all- i was way wrong and missed out on a really exciting opportunity- ultimately disappointed and bummed out. But a really great lesson- Once again i don't know everything and i'm not as smart as i'd like to think. Yep talk about a slice of humble pie. After we move- if we move- hopefully we'll move - i'm registering again.
So i'm pretty selfish. I grew up in a pretty worldly family- my parents would kill me for saying that - but it's true - if you saw how we have lived - that is me growing up- and our lives you would see yup pretty worldly. My testimony even up till before i met my husband was well lacking greatly of Christ. Now don't get me wrong i was saved when i was in the 9th grade. But i did not understand the christian walk. I was pretty confused. I'm very greatful for the church i'm in now and the teachings and that my children can be brought up there. anyways back to my point selfishness- Yeah i'm pretty selfish- I grew up thinking it was all about me which makes for an interesting day to day struggle with my thoughts- And guess what i still act like that sometimes - well probally most of the time- And it's not about me. It's about Christ. my life is not about me and what i do and what i get and accomplish- it is about the work that Christ does in my life. This is a hard thing to grasp for me at times because like i said i'm selfish. I have been feeling very hazed - like i can't really think clearly and i'm having trouble really getting my sinful thoughts under control and really taking ever thought captive and giving it to the lord - big or small. So i'm planning on fasting on thursday- i know i should not be saying this because it kind of defeats the purpose of it being between God and myself- but i do not want any glory or praise for this. I am sharing this because maybe God can use this. I never really understood fasting but i just did a study on esther and felt a tug. I know you would not think that the story of esther would cause me to come to this matter but it has. I'm wanting to fast because i want to really focus on him . When the hunger sets in and the pains - to be reminded to focus on him and pray. I long for special time with him. For growing that relationship with my saviour- I want to get my focus off of myself. I want to really sit and listen.

I'm using the opportunity to clear my mind and heart.

I do desperately want to Glorify him and praise him. Shamefully though i have this aweful voice in the back of my head - and it's- i want people to say good job- your awesome- pats on the backs -stroke my ego please- i don't want to do things because i want people to see how awesome i am or think i'm awesome- because i'm not. i'm aweful. sinful. wretched. I'm ashamed of my behaviour and sinfulness and past- how ugly my life was without God and i'm thanful that i have a saviour that washes me clean and white as snow. because i was stained crimson red. I want when people look at me to see Christ and not I.
I'm not fasting to get things from him. I am fasting to shift my horrible focus from myself and the world to him.


I hate sin.... i despise the things of this world. I long for the fruits of the spirit. But ya know what if i was perfect and had all those things I would not need christ. And that is something i don't think i could live without. My favorite characteristic of christ is his faithfulness. God is faithful. I love that. I love that he is the same today, tomorrow , and yesterday- he is not fickle , he does not change with the times. He is God. how comforting is that in such a fickle world.
He is my comforter. I have moments where i wish i had someone to talk to (other than my husband and child. ) Someone to cry with when times are hard. But in times when i feel all alone- i can lean on him. I can cry to him- and he'll hold me in his righteous hand. NEATO!
Now don't get me wrong - i still crave for fellowship and friendship. And i still pray for that .
But sometimes satan can use that loneliness to get us to focus on ourselves. Which sometimes i do - i have a big old pitty party. How much better would it be if i praised God in those times. Instead of creating bitterness. It would be a lot better.

I ramble i know . I've probally gone down a million bunny trails.
I've got some work to do while Riley is asleep and i really wanted to start reading today during her nap time- I'm wanting to use my quiet time and down time for more preductive work and time to spend with my Abba. Untimed time. I should be making phone calls to schedule shows but i feel like i have more important things i can do that will really last.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouragement.



oh - Riley can now do a tumble (flip) by herself - unassisted- it's pretty awesome- She amazes me - i was reminded today that We (mothers/wifes) set the tone every morning for our house---- talk about humbleing. Anyways i think about that sweet little girl and what kind of tone am i setting for our home everyday and for her.

-Love-

I haven't written on this in forever- i'm not sure anyone other than my husband really reads this. Though this is meant more for me than for others to read but if i was completely honest i 'd say yeah i wish more read this.
So David has gotten a new job- PRAISE THE LORD! - and he graduates in Dec. Big changes are happening or are coming. We want to move back to Jackson for several reasons. The new job has kind of been the real pushing factor that got the ball really rolling. I'm still working from home but i'll be taking on another job come Jan. I'll be teaching swimming lessons to kids and babies. I love the water babies class. it's by far my fav. So big changes are coming- it's an exciting time because you really have no clue what's going to happen - but i'm really excited - David has worked really hard for all of this. (that's the big update about life. )
I've been struggling a lot with the whole issue of Control. I've been struggling with it for years and i'm finally really learning to let go. It's like a weight off my shoulder to really trust God. I should have done it earlier - when i didn't want to. But i got really convicted last month and have been trying to take more effort toward really releasing my grip and stop fighting with him. I am a failure though. But i honestly want to fully trust him and really show that.
Riley is growing well way to much. She has gotten rid of her paci and is potty training right now. She is so proud of herself and i'm pretty proud of her too. She is currently playing with my old doll house - her new fav. thing. and her reward for making big girl choices . The pressure is on to really bring her up in a Godly manner. I had an awesome mother in law and spiritual mother. awesome. and i'm really feeling the void - i feel so unworthy to even share her last name. It took time for that relationship to grow and right as it was really blossoming it got taken away. I crave a spiritual moma - no one can ever replace her or even measure close to her and that makes me not want another but i know that kind of relationship is important. I'm praying that if that's the Lord's will to bless me with that kind of relationship he'll bring it.
I have been blessed though with amazing women at our church that i can call for discipline advice and such. But i crave for more friendships- an area that i'm having to give to the lord. I long for close friendships with a lot of the women at church. I feel very distant - mainly due to location i think i dunno- maybe that will get better once i move to jackson. But lonliness is huge and i think i've always dealt with that since i was young. I'm needy. But that gives more opportunity to lean on Christ and build my relationship with him. I really sometimes don't know how to build relationships , or how to be a good friend- i'm trying to learn but i'm a little slow in that area and dumb. I like to think i'm oh so smart and know so much - but in actuality simple concepts and ideas i have a really hard time wrapping my mind around then sometimes my brain just doesn't click. And in the term of friends when i don't know how to act or say i think i come off mean and rude - once again learning.
Anyways i long for that friendship and i'm a little jealous of the other women and their bonds and conversations and friendships.
But i need to stop focusing on myself( i can be pretty selfish- my fleshy self is so humbling and well at times shameful.) and focus on Christ. Building that relationship. Listening . Learning. I've been longing to learn what kind of woman he wants me to be - who am i called to be - And i am so blessed with a current study about women in the bible - it's an amazing answer to prayer. I was so pleasently suprised with it. I think I'm going to start reading an elizabeth elliott book as well. I long ot have a quiet heart - and to really react In christ. not me . him.
Mary had such a quiet heart and spirit. And was so thoughtful. a servants heart- I long for that. Not because she was like that but because that is what a woman of God should look like- She was an awesome picture for me. She had her downfalls and she was not perfect but she loved the lord and it showed. If only my testimony could radiate that.
And not for my glory and but for God's .
Testimony- What God has done for me.... WHAT HE HAS DONE.
not how great am i look at me.
For it not to be about me.


Time to stop writing and get my little girl to bed.
Thanks for reading if you are out there .