riley is watching the wiggles and in the middle of the song sites down and lays on her back and put her legs in the air - and then makes noises every once in a while.
oddness.... but addorable

i hate money. and i hate ebay. darn it and it's pictures and bids and buy me nows. i just like to look right now i think i'm out of the habit of i wanna buy.darn swanky boutiques and sale racks and all stores..... i saw a shirt today and thought about buying it . i needed a good slap the hand bad emmi- cause frankly i don't think i need anymore clothes ...... if u saw my closet...and well dresser ......and well u would be ashamed.......
anyways money sucks and i hate spending it and i hate wanting to spend it and i hate it even more when the bills roll in . but bills rolling in reminds me that i want to be a good stweard with the money that the lord has given me. it's an everyday thing.


christmas spoiled me......its back to being cheap cheap cheap.

and thinking.

so i'm going to be haning new works in my gallery this weekend and i'm pretty pumped. but what i'm more pumped about is that i may be going on a date this weekend with this boy- and he's well wonderful. he's been a complete goof and joy lately. realllllllly sweet. so i'm excited.

so i'm sitting in my home alone. and its weird i've actually never had a night alone at home and i mean completly alone , just me and the dog. and it's not too bad - it's nice - relaxing - i want to maybe do this once in a while.

I walked in the door - stampeded to get the dog out of it's cage and got greeted by a very full little bladder that needed to go out- i unloaded the car - got followed and jumped on , almost knocked over by my little friend. cleaned up after myself and my little girl, tried on a dress- loved it - and then sat down and ate dinner. as i was doing everything i realized this could have been me - alone with a dog at home - and while it is nicce to have this time and i really enjoy it - i don't enjoy it that much - i love my life and its in that moment i love that i'm a wife and a mom. i mean yeah riley has her moments but i wouldn't know what to do without her - she's my best friend my buddy, and dave well yeah i know i don't know what to do without him. Sunday he had to stay home from church so riley stayed with him and well after church i felt so awkward and strange - i didn't know what to do with myself. anyways my point is though i like this moment i wouldn't want it everyday or for the rest of my life. so i type here watch tv and basically fart around while i wait for my husband and darling little girl to come in the door and for lela to follow barking to greet them. and it will be a wonderful moment.

so i'm kind of without words today. Yesterday we found out that dave's mom has some cell's poping back up - she had breast cancer. and so it looks like shes going to have to do chemo again. Which i hate. I've grown to love this woman so much , like another mother cause well she is, she's my mom in law. I realized last night that well in the past two years a lot has changed. When dave and i got married i think i was wearing this protective shell. and now that shell has had a lot chipped off. i'm not trying to protect myself as much or put up a front or whatever it maybe called. I'm finding that slowly i'm becoming more myself around them. anyways she's so sweet. too sweet. She's probally the most thoughtful though pushy at times with food and other things it all comes from this wonderful place. And i sincerly hate hate hate hate hate that she has to do chemo again that it has even come up. It's not fair its not. She's started teaching again and she's doing so well and to have to do it all over again. Supposedly it's going to be not as rough as the last time.
I dunno if i show her or them how much i love them. I don't even tell dave this. Although i started too last night. anyways pray for them. But mrs. mary is an amazing woman and i know she will have a good attitude and this just adds to her already amazing testimony but i just hate that she has to go through it. and deep down it's a little scary.

so i've spent the last two days at home- weirdness and actually got some work done for the job i don't like but am starting to understand and just well try to have a good attitude and please God with it knowing that it can be a testimony to those mothers - isn't that why i took the job. anyways well i'm starting to do that job like i should i suppose. So like i said we've been here for two days no outside human contact. It's cold outside but i'm thinking about braving it. and going out to play i have no idea where we will go or what we're gonna do but after lunch we are getting outta here.

I have this really old rocker. creekes and cracks and sways- it's beautiful - antique of course. and there are these two pillows one big one small. riley likes to take them out put them on the floor. She lays her head on the big one and places gigi her blanket on the other. to be a kid.
i've decided probally one of my fav. sounds is her running through the house. sounds like a baby elephant.
I'm pretty sure Riley helps me keep my child like wonder.

i sort of still like this thing. bloggers that is. this one feels more like it's underwraps , secret and all. my little girl is pushing on me right now trying to climb and inch her way to the screen hoping to get a glimps or hear johnny and the sprites her fav. t.v. show atthe moment. and there she goes pitter pattering away. for some reason i can write better on here than anywhere else. xanga i just can't do it. i dunno why. i may start updating on here more. journaling and all like i should. even though i know no one reads this. which maybe is for the better. so i own a gallery now and i want to do my best my very best. i want to glorify God with it but i'm not too sure how i guess by doing my best. and honoring him and giving him the glory. I'm afraid i won't be able to do it forever or that i'll have to quit. but i hope not. I'm married. and he's wonderful. he doesn't know it but he is. i don't even think i realize how much i do really love him. but i do. i think i try to close myself off sometimes or be stand-off ish but i shouldn't he loves me. and why would i do that . who knows. i feel like there is so much i need to know about him, so much more to learn. and i wanna and i want him to learn about me too.. he comes home today after work. maybe we'll ge to goof off. who knows. tomorrow i'm hoping to do something worth wild. have fun, go to a park. something. we'll see.

i sort of still like this thing. bloggers that is. this one feels more like it's underwraps , secret and all. my little girl is pushing on me right now trying to climb and inch her way to the screen hoping to get a glimps or hear johnny and the sprites her fav. t.v. show atthe moment. and there she goes pitter pattering away. for some reason i can write better on here than anywhere else. xanga i just can't do it. i dunno why. i may start updating on here more. journaling and all like i should. even though i know no one reads this. which maybe is for the better. so i own a gallery now and i want to do my best my very best. i want to glorify God with it but i'm not too sure how i guess by doing my best. and honoring him and giving him the glory. I'm afraid i won't be able to do it forever or that i'll have to quit. but i hope not. I'm married. and he's wonderful. he doesn't know it but he is. i don't even think i realize how much i do really love him. but i do. i think i try to close myself off sometimes or be stand-off ish but i shouldn't he loves me. and why would i do that . who knows. i feel like there is so much i need to know about him, so much more to learn. and i wanna and i want him to learn about me too.. he comes home today after work. maybe we'll ge to goof off. who knows. tomorrow i'm hoping to do something worth wild. have fun, go to a park. something. we'll see.