so i feel like i've been in a fog for the last week or so. my brain has been on overload i believe i didn't finally get any clarity until i got some time alone. and all of a sudden thought started to enter my brain.

i'm slowly being able to breathe again slowly but surely it's coming back. i think for the first time i realize i have too much on my plate and need help.

sometimes its so hard to think and concentrate and i just want to rest at God's feet. jsut rest in him , in his pressence cause right now that's all i really know what to do.

i'm realizing that over time i've read things and said yeah i so get that and oh yeah i understand that lord - scriptures, praise songs. but only now looking thru the trails and jsut well time i realize ya know i don't think i fully understood that. and now i am learning to appreciate it a lot more things such as a broken and contrite heart - understanding that and wanting that.
sometimes i don't know if i or any of us really realize what we ask of God , what are we really asking- when we ask to have a servant attitude and to hsow grace do we really get it - what that takes - that takes it not being us but all him. sacrifice on our part - are we really willing to do that? if the desires of our heart is too really be conformed and follow him and be molded and glorify him that is something we have to do. give up the us part.

also i think i'll take all the hard times and trials over easy street cause God has taught me so much and those times are special because of that.

i'm asking God for wisdom and to help me make some wise choices. and peace and rest in moments where sometimes there seems so few.