so a lot has happened in the past month. a lot. too much. i lost the most influential person in my life. i feel like i'm carrying around this big whole in my heart or a sadness. i miss her terribly and am hoping i am making her proud. i also lost my dog - which added to the broken heart and made me even more sad. but my dear husband bought me a puppy and i must say he is beginnning to be a joy. his name is leeland. i didn't not make the 9 shows in 45 days for work. i have all these goals and haven't made them- i think i've been going about it wrong. it's totally God's to do what he wants with it. so whatever he brings every month i will rejoice cause he did it not me. i'm hopefully to get out of my circle and friends soon. waiting to see what the lord will do with it - and i've been so greatful with what he has done and is doing.
i tend to dwell and be fearful with a lot that has been going on i fear what will happen next - not fully trusting hte lord - the fear has gotten so great that i get so anxious - finally i said ok lord this is yours take it i don't want it i don't want to be fearful i want to trust you fully and totally - i'm seeing everyday as a beautiful gift and looking at my time as not my own but my lords. i think God is using my puppy- yes that's right my puppy to teach me even more . i tend to go go go . if we leave the house for the day i try to get as much done while i am gone and riley ends up drained and so tired and it really wears on her. well know that we have a puppy i cannot go go go i have to be able to go home and not spend my whole day gone - different - and somewhat uncomfortable but i think it is good. not only to teach me but for riley- the way i do my days is so unfair to her . so i'm interested to see what and how the lord will use this. i also think my days have been so full that i'm distracting myself that i'm not seeing what God has for me. anyways i suppose you coudl say this is all or some of what God is doing and teaching me in life. i have a show tonight and i'm so eager to see what the lord will do. sorry i'm a horrible typer but thanks for reading.