i spent most of my life craving someone to spend valentines day with and now that i have someone i could care less about the holiday in general . maybe it's because we have thanksgiving christmas anniversary and birthday plus vday month after month. But i will say i do enjoy all the heart and pink things. It's more for Riley now and getting to do special things for her. We made rice crispy hearts today and painted them - of course i start out trying to actually make something out of them - by the end we are just squezzing the icing all over them- to me things are so much more fun when you are a kid or just act like you are 2 1/2.
I'm really enjoying what i'm doing - being a stay at home mom and working from home. I absolutely love my business and can't wait to see what God will do with it. I got the great joy and opportunity to go get really special training in atlanta with my sponser and it was a huge blessing.
Holiday on Monday which means dave will be around - which is always wonderful- riley loves it when he's here.
Hoping we'll get to make it to the science museum this weekend.

the wind keeps howling against my window like a wolf. Mondays and Thursdays are usually my most trying days -expecially thursday. I clean. But tonight i won't be alone again- dave's class got canceled - nice gift. Waiting on the Lord. sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation.
I get a wonderful gift this weekend - i get to get away with my husband for the weekend - - with school and work he's always busy.theres always that issue of time. It'll be nice to goof off together and not have to worry about what we have to do next. But for now it's Time to make lunch.

there is no greater joy at this moment than my duaghter calling me on the phone- yes calling me -she asks someone to dial of course - and begging me to come home - sometimes she will add to bing something. We've been baking a lot together lately.
Life is generally good i suppose- there are up and down moments- the dreary weather doesn't help- i crave those moments of sunshine cause there is so much gloom lately. But i do love a good reason to curl up in a blanket in the morning with riley and jsut sit together while we watch bunnytown or something else ammusing.
Relying on God for pretty much all my needs which is where i think i need to be. Knowing htat he is the ultimate provider and ultimately i have no control and he provides everything in my life- everything. and its nice that i can rest in that. i can give it all to him-0 i can give my worries to him and i should not even worry it is a silly thing cause he is in control and he is perfect he is my abba my father my provider my creator he is perfect holy and good. I think that is why i find so much joy in my job - that he provides ever aspect of that job- the people the opportunities the money - all of it. that i have no other choice than to trust him.

Looking forward to tomorrow morning when my riley bear wakes up and wants to drag me out of bed to make her breakfeast. i love this age.

last night a mouse decided it wanted to be friends and came and sat right down by me and watched t.v. with me. i didn't realize this till it was too late. we took measures to catch him - and probally made fools of ourselves in the process but this morning we got him.

made cookies and a mess this afternoon it was pure joy.


learning more about grace - and how to be gracious even when it hurts.

riley is such a joy and encouragement - even more so this time of year.
struggling with loneliness but i know God will use it. i'm so greatful for the friends who have truly been there. and for the people God has used.

so a lot has happened in the past month. a lot. too much. i lost the most influential person in my life. i feel like i'm carrying around this big whole in my heart or a sadness. i miss her terribly and am hoping i am making her proud. i also lost my dog - which added to the broken heart and made me even more sad. but my dear husband bought me a puppy and i must say he is beginnning to be a joy. his name is leeland. i didn't not make the 9 shows in 45 days for work. i have all these goals and haven't made them- i think i've been going about it wrong. it's totally God's to do what he wants with it. so whatever he brings every month i will rejoice cause he did it not me. i'm hopefully to get out of my circle and friends soon. waiting to see what the lord will do with it - and i've been so greatful with what he has done and is doing.
i tend to dwell and be fearful with a lot that has been going on i fear what will happen next - not fully trusting hte lord - the fear has gotten so great that i get so anxious - finally i said ok lord this is yours take it i don't want it i don't want to be fearful i want to trust you fully and totally - i'm seeing everyday as a beautiful gift and looking at my time as not my own but my lords. i think God is using my puppy- yes that's right my puppy to teach me even more . i tend to go go go . if we leave the house for the day i try to get as much done while i am gone and riley ends up drained and so tired and it really wears on her. well know that we have a puppy i cannot go go go i have to be able to go home and not spend my whole day gone - different - and somewhat uncomfortable but i think it is good. not only to teach me but for riley- the way i do my days is so unfair to her . so i'm interested to see what and how the lord will use this. i also think my days have been so full that i'm distracting myself that i'm not seeing what God has for me. anyways i suppose you coudl say this is all or some of what God is doing and teaching me in life. i have a show tonight and i'm so eager to see what the lord will do. sorry i'm a horrible typer but thanks for reading.

So i've taken on a new job. I'm starting to sell jewelry from Premier Designs Jewelry. I'm really excited about it and really like the company and believe in it. the only problem is i don't really believe in myself. to get started you are suppose to get 9 shows ( part of a contest- you get a pretty awesome reward if you do this) asking friends and family to help you out by throwing a show and that's how you make your way out of that circle. I think i only have one show booked. No one is really interested ( that i'm close too) . I'm having my training show this friday and i'm not really sure if my friends will turn out i only haveo n definate from one. i'm just praying that some more will support me cuase this is such a huge change and thing i just haven't don- but i think i may be lacking with who will show up. So i start doubting myself and if people like me or what not. pretty stupid i suppose. This really is and has to be a God thing. I have to do my best and leave it up to him. Trusting him fully with this new responsibility. The whole while i can't help but feel a little shelfish in starting this when so much is going on around me. I feel uterly helpless. I have complete faith in the Lord. I have complete faith that mary will and can get better and beat this but sometimes i feel like i'm the only one trying to remain optomistic. This really is in the Lords hands. The only thing i can do is try to be an encouragement and just keep praying. I just hope i am being an encouragement.
Dave got a premanent job at mdes. he has benefits and is doing just spectacular i'm so proud of him. He starts school tonight. I know he is going to do amazing. His birthday is coming up very soon and i want to do something special for him. To encourage him- cause i know he needs it . i try to do my best but i think he needs a little something extra if you know what i mean.
Riley is doing really well. she's growing growing growing. and is such a sweetheart. she was sick yesterday - coughing a lot - so we played it safe and stayed home . dave got to spend a lot of time with her yesterday which i think was just special for both of them exspecially since he's going to be back at school. it's been pretty awesome having him home so much i'm gonna miss seeing him. The heat down here has been pretty bad but finally yesterday it was a little cooler you could feelthe difference. so thankful the lord provided that break. Well i think it's mr. potatoe head play time. thanks for reading.

Life has been crazy as of late. I had the absolute best weekend with friends hanging out till midnight and reading a good book and the best lunch for a long time.
friends are such an encouragement.

mary has been in and out of the hospital this week. she got sick and with her immune system down she has to go inot the hospital. they finally got all her blood cells - white and red - up to normal again. i hate seeing her like this its a true roller coaster but as harold said on the phone last night - God is still faithful.

i'm so thankful for the friends that have cared enough to pray for our family and for mary and have cared enough to make a simple phone call to say hello and let us know they love us. - that encouragement and friendships that much more of a blessing and makes me so greatful.

riley watched high school musical today and loved it. it was too cute. she's such a blessing and just darling. i enjoy her every minute of every day.

this past weekend we spent at my parents and we got back home today. and there is such a wonderful comfort that i never realized about this place how much of a relief it is to be here. some of the people in the town maybe a little weird but hey that keeps it interesting. this place is such a blessing and gift and i'm so thankful for it.

i'm trying to learn how to not stretch myself out- i tend to committ to things 100 % so other things suffer. i need to learn boundries and happy mediums i suppose.

i love how beatiful christ is and what he did . how we are to be slaves to him and not to sin anymore. i like that . i like that i can put on a new self. take off the old put on the new. i hate my fleshy self , my sinful self. i really love the - christ not i- .

So "my brother" got married and it was wonderful - it was the most beautiful wedding and the most fun. Now that i'm back i now have to undertake the task of going thru my 800 plus pictures and getting them ready for him. And i'm really looking forward to it. It's such an honor and blessing to be doing this for him. It's something that is going to last the two of them the rest of their lives and something they will always enjoy. I can't wait for them to see them.

So much is going on in our lives right now and we could really use your prayers.


Dave and i have been together for 4 years now and it's so weird to think that 4 years ago this time we were going to new orleans and hanging out , becoming bf/gf. He's such a blessing in my life and always a support. This weekend dave and i are going to take riley to her first movie in a movie theater. i'm pretty excitted.


Everyday i'm realizing how important friendship and fellowship are. And how my soul craves that and needs it.

I'm really loving all this summer rain.

i think it's funny that people are moving away from xanga and doing blogspots- i've noticed a lot more people have started a blogspot lately. i've had this blogspot since forever before i even had a xanga. i did xanga becuase that's where everyone was but still kept this sucker cause well i liked it and i will continue to keep both. Funny How things change.

Riley just turned two this past friday and her big two year old check up is today. Should be interesting , we've been playing doctor lately so i wonder how she will react now when we go. we shall see. I'm thinking of under going the task this afternoon of changing rileys bed (it's a convertable) to a toddler bed- i think she is ready.
The party went pretty well on saturday though i wish more of her friends would have been able to make it but it was a nice party and everyone blessed us so very much.
My brother is getting married on saturday and i am the photographer for the wedding. It is going to be in New Orleans and i'm pretty excited . not only about the wedding but about being in new orleans again with my husband. N.O is where everything started for dave and i - it holds a special place in our hearts plus i have so many memories tied there . It's going to be wonderful. The possibilities are endless . We will be spending some quality time alone - the drive down has great talks awaiting us . And the fun of walking the streets - well i jsut can't wait.

Riley is currently playing with her new little kitchen - cooking breakfeast and bringing me drinks to try out. time to go join her. She amazed me with her wonderful imagination and contentment with the little things ( like just sitting on a step)

This past weekend i went to see my bestest bud in her new town of laurel. it was really really fun.. we drove around learning the town and seeing the sites - ate at a good pizza place and went to hudsons and dirt cheap where we lost our minds and track of time. The things you find in these places is amazing and well mistifying. you reason with yourself about how it is a good buy. When we got home to put all her new stuff together the majority of what she bought had something wrong with it. but all in
all it was good buy plus she has new stuff in her apartment to make it even more homey. i can't wait to go back.
Yesterday my husband brought me home my fav. flowers it was a nice suprise. he hung out outside in the afternoon and blew up our pool. riley had so much fun just running in it. today we'll get to test it out.
Sunday is fathers day and i'm so excited for david- we get to celebrate him which is awesome cause well we love him and he's such an amazing father. i can't wait.
AND... Riley turns two next weekend. this will be a special time too cause hopefully all her friends will be there and they'll get to play and she'll actually know and be more aware of what is going on. i'm so excited.
Summer is going pratty well and i'm enjoying it overall even if it is oh so hot.

when i went off to college i noticed something you start to have your own book collection. I suppose that is when it really starts you get a book collection , it can either be school books or books you read in leisure or books you need to read for school - lit students always seem to have a really good collection cause well they like to read. Anyways I decided soon after starting college and my moving spree that i wanted to have a good collection. i in-visioned having a huge bookshelf full of books. The two houses i have lived in had book cases - i was very proud of the first bookcase i used because i almost filled up the whole thing with all my books making me realize i had more than i thought. Then when we moved here - we now have a glorious bookcase. it's huge. takes up almost the whole wall. it's wonderful. top to bottom shelves. the first top shelves are full with cd's - yes this could of been utilized better probably by books and use a few cd towers for the cds but alas i have a huge cd collection as well and i have cd towers they get in the way and take up too much space , we had three at the old house and still had an overflow of cases. -maybe one day well do a cleaning get rid of them all and keep all cds in the cd books we have which are almost full as well. anyways the other top shelf is for some of our movie collection - got a lot of those - i probably could have fit these in some other place but i gave up one cabinet for rileys hidden toy place - anyways the rest of it down is filled with books .. which looking at it is very nice - somewhat a sense of accomplishment. i'm missing one book that i really really want that i use to have but lost - called the golden apple - bout the Trojan war - read it in 7th grade and loved it. one of the few school books in high school i read - anyways there is a slight flaw in my collection- a self help book- yes i at one point - i think i was not fully thinking- ventured into the self help section - thinking well this book really isn't self help , how funny that they put it in this section- and bought this book. other than that i love my collection- ex specially my ever growing young adults / children collection. i've already handed down my kid collection of dr s' and other children / toddler books i had - her new collection is located on the very bottom level. - growing up and still to this day my parents own a ton of books they are everywhere . (maybe this is why i want just a ton of bookshelves) but alas all their books deal in some sort of way with either travel or psychology, a few deal with history- other than that not a ton of diversity. i wish i had wanted to read more in high school - i had more time in in my life then- probally a lot of time i wasted - plus i was always grounded cause of grades - of and on - bout every other semester during 10th and 11th - that time i could have read... oh well.

anyways the reason i even started to think about books is because today i was cleaning out some of riley's things and getting re organized. seeing what clothes she needs and such- getting clothes she doesn't fit in anymore together for her cousin. organizing her toys and her room. so it got me thinking what else i could move around and where everything was. making sure i was organized and as tidy as could be - all that coming from the mess i created in our last house of just pure clutter.
Sometimes i wish i could go back t0 a time when i enjoyed being barefoot running thru the neighborhood , going on adventures. i dunno what happened but lately i can't stand for my feet to feel dirty- feeling the dirt on my feet = yucky. maybe it'll just pass.

right now i'm surrounded by a tuckered out family riley is laying on the floor with her blanket and lela is laying right beside me on the couch.

todays best moment - sitting in the car listening to music on the way home and riley after being oh so quiet ever so softly saying hey momma.

swimming on monday and i cannot wait- diving , laps, sun bathing. i can't wait.

if you got this far and read all - you deserve a gold star- here you go!

way overdue for a post i suppose. my faithful husband has been checking for updates. Last weekend was simply wonderful. Dave and i had a movie marathon night full of harry potter and sushi - my absolute most fav. thing. It was fun but so hard to stay up so late. The next day we went to the zoo and had lunch with a giraffe. Saw some wonderful tigers , brown recluses - i want to stamp out that who species. The monkeys were as always entertaining. the black bear was pretty awesome sat right at the edge and was clawing a thing of wood - i wanted to give a big old hug . then the monkey that came to the edge of the water and held out his hand for food - sneaky little thing he was. So much fun. Dave sort of lost rileys puppy but someone turned it in- faith in humanity restored. Hopeing dave and i will go out once again on another date. sometime soon . This weekend my brother is having his engagement party should be fun. hope i see a lot of old friends. i gotta take the pictures. so much fun!

Dave is playing softball tonight and i think the babe and i are gonna go see him play. should be fun.
I have an eye infection /allergy not sure - doesn't look like anything is wrong with it but i have to put these drops in for a week cause me eyes hurt and felt like something was in them - that also means i have to wear my glasses all week - which sucks! i don't like my glasses not one bit but i suppose it will be good for me. we'll see.

Time to get to work i suppose so i can do something eventful and usefull for today.

our dog has developed this odd habit of getting underneath our bed. not too sure what's going on there.

hmm i think i may make a decent lunch for myself today- i've been wanting to make these hot cold sesame noodles but it has a peanut thai dressing - dave doesn't like the peanut butter in it. so i think i'll make it for myself today.
work , cook, and maybe read some , then softball.
sounds like a pretty good day.
time to go dance with riley

one word
HUMBLENESS
the world--- i hate the world and all it's temptations, it's lies. it's pride.
i find my self tempted and tested about loving them ( the people of the world - living of the word) . and making sure i don't have anger . mernt. at this moment i am catching myself - or rather the holy spirit is doing a little tugging. humbleness. in their pride i find how much more i need to be humble.( do we do things for our own personal gain and glory - oh look at me how great i am- or do we do them for his glory - look at him he did this not i , i am just a vessel ) i see who christ is and how we should live - IN HIM- and see how some people just don't get it - the plain and simple facts- how so many of us are blind to our own wretchedness. we don't want to see it.
but u know what we need to see it - cause when we do we so how much more we really do need christ and how awful we are . and how splendid and wonderful and perfect he is.

i am happy and joyful when i am in him, walking in the spirit glorifying him. When i am most unhappy is when i focus on me and i'm not walking in the spirit.

My focus needs to be elsewhere.

i find for me making bread is calming, and quiet and a simple wonderful time to praise him and glorify him with it - i know that probally sounds a little odd - but there is something so beautiful to me about making bread , how everything works together - how it rises and turns golden and makes this fluffy loaf- all the grains and earthly ingredients - pure ingredients that go into it. then giving the loafs away so that others can enjoy the gift that God has blessed u with - sharing the same joy with others.

this weekend - i get to see my husband - which is always well a pure and wonderful treat. i laid in bed this morning wishing he was still laying beside me , thinking about the word husband and how sweet it was and how i loved saying it - my husband- my loml. my other half. i get to see him tonight and play music with him- seeing now and realizing how much of a gift that is to be able to do that with him, to share something with him that he loves so much. ( so get the keyboard baby - i'm in)
not only to i get this blessed time with him but also with my extended family - they are coming in to town- i get to see some of my best friends - love on them and encourage them- i'm happy to just to be able to be there for them. I can't wait to see them. I alwasy look forward to seeing those smiling faces.

what a blessing.

Riley just pullled up my old rocking chair and climbed in it to be by me on the same level and see what all i am up to , i think it's time to go play and get ready for lunch.

A thunderstorm is slowly rollling in and at the moment my mind feels like a rain puddle with millions of different thoughts and ideas falling in at every moment.

The men of our village are currently working once again on our road- trying to fix it but i think they are making it worse , we'll see what comes of this lets run dirt back and forth over the road. my newly cut lawn is wonderful. last night dave put together riley's wagon and did a fantabulous job - this morning riley and i went for a little stroll while the dog did crazy circles around us. while looking around i realized the ants have taken over - but i think dave declared war on them on saturday so i think dave will win. i'm so greatful for him, what an everyday blessing he is and how greatful am i that i get the privelage to lay next to him at night and wake up to his great and wonderful face in the morning. I was thinking about how everything started out with us and how precious that time is to me. He was straight forward , honest. i didn't have to guess with him or wonder, i knew how he felt, he was and is genuine. He didn't play games. And that's pretty awesome to me. I know his character and i'm greatful for that as well. That God has molded him and shaped him that way. That he is in christ and shows that. glorifing him. what an encouragement he is for me.

So riley is pretty much adorable. She's so smart. talking and able to say more words.
responding to music by doing what it says, or singing with it . Then responding to moments in movies like with an uh o or a scream. She loves happy feet right now and everytime the seal tries to get mumble - the main penguin she runs and screams like she is being chased too, then any moment when something happens that is an uh o moment she does it.
she is entertainment. Right now she is dancing around the room.

Time is so precious. Looking forward to seeing my fav. person in the world , reading, painting, cooking, and baking.

my lawn needs mowing.

i'm apathetic towards music and love that my husband is not and that he gives me time to discover it for myself and love it with him. Sometimes when i listen to music i feel like i've heard it before.... i think it comes from him singing those songs around the house, in the shower. and thanks for that. spoon is my new love. i'm currently obsessed with everything stranger than fiction.

family time at the park this afternoon. i'm so excited.

"Lead me , O lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies- make straight your way before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit." Psalm 5:8-9

"keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies" Psalm 34:13

"When words are many , sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise" Proverbs 10:19

"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Proverbs 21:23

"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone" Proverbs 25:15

" Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer by who meddles in a quarrel not his own. like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says "i was only joking" . Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.... The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. A malicious man disguises himself with his lips but in his heart he harbors deceit. though his speech is charming do not believe him for seven abominations fill his heart..... A lying tongue hates those it hurts and a flattering mouth works ruin." Proverbs 26: 12-20. 22-25, 28

" A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger , the tongue of the wise commends knowledge but the mouth of the foll gushes folly." Proverbs 15:1-2

There is much much more. I decided this morning after reading my study to do an additional study, my heart was weighed heavily upon this morning by the subject of tactfullness, tongues, and maturity. I found the most verses dealing with tongues in Psalms and Proverbs and the harshness and truth of the words well it's unsettling it's so true . it's gets u. It speaks volumes and all of us are guilty of such things. And that is convicting to me.
Now Tactfullness i first learned about tactfulness from Joseph- you know the many coat of colours - yup That boy did not know who to keep his mouth shut and it got him into a ton of trouble. When i think of tact i think of him.... he did in his life learn how to be tact full- i think that comes from maturity and wisdom. knowing when and what to say. Not just blabbing your mouth, running it around town , being loose with your words. Proverbs is a book of wisdom and discipline, prudence, discernment. The words run deep and true, speaking with conviction. The best most use full tool is the book i have here , the Bible. The one i am currently looking at was a wedding gift from our pastor that married us and probably the best tool we could use in our marriage.

The tongue - what a weapon it is. As you see from the verses above it can be used wisely or carelessly. How destructful it is. Hurtful.

- Gold there is , and rubies in abundance , but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. Proverbs 20:15

God is truly teaching me these things , tact fullness, wisdom, discernment, speech ( the use of my tongue), and maturity ( what is looks like ) . Though i think i am learning from my mistakes and the hard way i suppose. How precious is my family and my husband. Our relationship is so precious and sacred i need to treat it that way with the utmost respect. I. Discernment. Advice should come from those i respect. I am learning to choose my words wisely and constantly ask God to guide my words and heart and mind. Everyday , every thought that he be in them and over them. That i speak with wisdom, and guidance , that i am tactful. That i glorify him with this. That my life is one where i continue to mature in him and live a life that shows this . That i can be pleasing not only to Him but to by husband as well.

So i am staying home today in hopes that at the end of the day we will sell dave's car. We're having a few people come look at it and my cell phone at the moment has taken on a life of it's own that i had to change the greeting to if u are calling about the maxima for sale...... speaking of here we go again. ok anyways Yesterday i got to go down to Hattiesburg , my old town, to see my fav. person. I love thursday day trips , they always seem to be the best. And i think riley likes them just as much as i did , even though she had a run in with a ladder and then later on a few chairs . She seems to love the visiting and going around new places and towns. And she just loves loves loves sunglasses. She really digs the over sized look.
This weekend we will be close to being the only family left in town...sadness. All the sprayberry's will be gone. And my parents will be leaving around Monday or Tuesday for Italy - NO FAIR! I'm craving a date with the boy but am afraid we will have to improvise. We'll see what happens. I'm starting to realize the moments where dave and i need to be closest are the moments that we are going to be under the most attack.
I'm back on the hunt for the perfect mommie bag. The one i just got riped and will be sent back becasue it could not fullfill it's purpose - sadness. maybe another one of it's kind will return maybe not - i haven't decided it's fate just yet. The highlight though for this weekend will be when i come home with a brand new foam mattress topper - we have one on the twin bed , our bed has a down alternative that well got lumpy and does not perform it's job well either - so for our bodies sakes ( backs and necks) we are getting a foam temperpedic topper - i cannot wait - i've been waiting all year for this literally- waiting a year!

The weather is amazing, hoping to sit outside on the porch today while riley plays safari with the animals , maybe even read desperaux - how i've missed that little mouse . The weather makes me want to put on a cute little outfit , nice coat and go out for coffee and dinner and just some good quality time with the boy - i think i got it scheduled. Life is too crazy you go from having all this time and going thru life planning and not worrying about a thing to having responsibilities like work and school. Making time for each other is so ultra important ( while i write this i think i should add that riley just rolled onto her back and is acting like a coach roach. but still talking to the zebra and horse) Dates r even more important - to get that one on one time to get to know your spouse even more. There's so much more to learn about him and same for him for me. But that's the fun part. Finding more to love about that person. I like us, genuinely like us, i just wanna go play with him so badly and i'm waiting for the day that we both wear the same t-shirt - running into eachother after school or work at work or home- and look like the gooby couple we are .

A poopy smell is starting to linger in the room and i think i'm being called back to my job. fun times. at least when i'm done i'm gonna try to make some sushi rolls. yummy yummy.

parenting. when you are a parent and raising a child you get a lot of critizism and advice- some of it unwelcome , not asked for. everyone seems to have an opinion and view on what you do. And it's tiring and hard. and troubling. I've learned i have to continually keep my focus on christ and realizing that we are raising our child the way we need to , being lead by christ. Lord lead.
we go through knowing there is a chance that we are being judged , being ridiculed, being constantly picked at. But we cannot focus on that , if we do that can tear us apart, tear a relationship apart , we start to let frustrations and anger take over, having short tempers with our child, disciplining out of anger not out of love. that is a dangerous thing. Its a daily thing as most things are. to give her to christ to give ourselves over to christ. saying she is not ours we are not ourselves. you bought all of us with a price, we are yours. your servants.
We cannot worry about what the world thinks, what the world says. Only about Christ, what he says. I say this not as this is what you need to do, rais your child like this. i mearly write this as a kind reminder to david and i.

And the opinions of others and views and harsh words and looks may hurt. but all of that must be givin to God. And we must go on knowing and reminding ourselves where our focus is , and keeping a fixed eye on him.

we will make mistakes , but we must forgive eachother and ourselves and know that we are forgiven. and to not hold on to those mistakes but learn. And continually give it to God everyday.

you are an amazing father that has already taught your child so much. she looks up to you, and loves you. she's watching us and that is a scary but true fact. Know that God is guiding you and leading you, rest in him, trust in him. giving everything and anything , all to him.

forgiveness is a huge thing and a hard thing. it's an everyday choice. to forgive as christ forgave us. an easy thing to say but a hard thing to do. to love as christ loves. hugeness.

i'm wanting desiring the things that are not of this world. i constantly desire wisdom, grace, a gentle and kind spirit- lovingkindness. for these things it must be him not me.
no longer i but christ.......it's not about me. in a world full of i i i and me me me. everyday death to self. i've never realized how important this is until now. how needed it is. how necessary. it's an everyday lesson but also an everyday choice. to take the wisdom my husband gives not as critisism but as helpful advice, and same for him. no one wants to hear or see how horrible they are. pride- it gets in the way and is something seen as ugly that no one wants to admit- add some selfishness to that. i am ugly. i'm ashamed of my behavior and who i am. the sinless self. but Christ can take all of that away and make it beautiful. glorifying him. and that is wonderful and beautiful and hopeful. i despise my sinful self. i'm glad it's him and not i.
i crave and want a servant heart.


riley has been an everyday blessing. I think God has used her to show me and teach me. a little person, small and meek, still learning in this world is used to teach her mother about selflessness and grace and unconditional love. i love her spirit and who God is molding her to become i can't wait to see her continue to grow.
She is really blossoming. her imagination is great, the games we play are amazing. it hleps bring back my child imagaination to be able to play those games again. today we are going to cook - make some homemade cookies and granola.