so not only am i still on bed rest but i am nesting. and to me there is nothing worse than a pregnant OCD nesting woman. My sweet sweet husband when i called and told him what i wanted to do said "Sure honey i'd love to help you." Letting did he know what he was getting into.
I went online to lowes and bought a kids organizer thing that i am in love with- and man do i love the buy online and pick up in the store- so this resulted in him getting off of work a few minutes early and picking up this thing from lowes. Then coming home and tearing apart Riley's room.
What started out as just Riley's room turned into Redoing Riley's room AND also moving all the furniture in the living room until my awful urge was met. All this having to be done by davids self while i just looked on and said where to put what because i'm not suppose to lift anything. I'm convinced dave will have back problems later on in life - which i think he'll agree- None the less . Riley's room is a masterpiece. It's organized , even the closet looks better and she has a ton of room- She has not come out of there yet today - she'll poke her head out to say how much she loves her new room- but she's been stuck in there all morning.
The living room didn't change too much - it just was like a jigsaw puzzle that we made more difficult but i'm pretty happy with the results. David did an amazing job.
The last thing my little nesting heart wants to do is to redo my office and box pretty much everything in there - i think it will have to wait though till next weekend cause it will most likely take the whole weekend and since the monster in my chest is alseep for now - why wake it. For now the nesting monster is happy but i know it will awake again.

Another great invention - online shopping- i've never loved it so much. for my birthday instead of actually gifts my family gives money and says you go buy what you want. this year i wasn't sure when i would be able to get out of the house and actually do that. hehe well hello online shopping. I did cheat earlier this week and got out of the house for a little bit- i got my hair done - i was sitting the whole time and all just in another location -which i haven't driven in 3 weeks and the day ended with me getting stuck in mud in front of my house- leason learned stay put in house on my butt.
But i am very excited about christmas in march- cause to me that's what it is like. I have clothes coming from urban outfitters, and a movie and a food processor from target, and even some jewelry. i can't wait!!

This weekend david is going to help me make nutella biscotti cookies- i have a dr's appointment on monday and since i feel like i owe the dr cookies for as long as i am pregnant since he fixed me to where i can eat. so i shower his office with food seeing as they've also seen me more in a month than a normal patient - some weird pregnancy urge most likely.
i'll let you know how they turn out.

thanks for reading.

God is completely overwhelming me with his love lately.
I don't think i could even really convey it correctly and fully through this.
This week i got loved on hugely by a dear friend who took time to just talk on the phone- a good phone conversation is just priceless too me - expecially when time is not an issue - how rarely do we give someone our time fully and not care how long we talk or what needs to be done- we just talk and give them attention- what a wonderful gift and blessing, was very much a huge encouragement and i cannot wait to talk again- i never knew what a dear friend i had until now and am ashamed i have not been better and have not taken advantage of her friendship.
I definatly underestimate how much i am loved and desire to be a better lover of others and a better friend- to care about others and let them know how much they are loved. I desire to give more.
My birthday is Monday and my husband totally threw me for a loop when he took me out last night and ended up back at my parents house for a surprise party i never saw coming- talk about humbling - that people would come to celebrate my birthday - some from out of town , some i hadn't seen in forever, some with young kids- what a wonderful group and blend of friendship- and my sweet dear husband had a huge web of lies conceived so i would not figure it out - everyone was in on it , my parents helped with the lies- which i don't endorse lieing but when it is for a great purpose of giving a wonderful gift of love- please go ahead- i even had a cake- my goodness. I do not think i deserve any of the trouble anyone went to , the cake, the food, any of it . i am blessed, and humbled, and overwhelmed with the love God has shown me this week through others. This has been by far the best birthday..... by far.
I love sitting and being at the feet of God asking and waiting for his will- and seeing what he is doing - what a blessing and gift. Yes i maybe on bed rest and yes my placenta is on my cervix ( yes that means i hugely cheated last night by my husband taking him out - but i was not going to rob him of his gift whatever it was going to be ) but i am greatful for this time - of just waiting - of not knowing - cause i know exactly who has me and where i am - in his loving hands. and sometimes when i sit in my recliner i feel and try to visualize that i am just sitting right in the palm of his hand - and everything else just falls away.
Don't get me wrong i still strong and have days where my flesh comes out in full force and i loose sight of it all. sometimes more than others- i am not perfect - i deserve nothing- But i'm starting to really realize the fullness and gift that is God's love.
The times i really loose sight is even a gift - cause it draws me back to him and humbles me at the same time - I am not that great and i cannot do anything without him. And what a picture to have - bed rest - sitting the majority of the day and week - not being able to do much without the help of another - that is how i should live - less my work and more his.


Thanks for reading.

so my new oil free dairy free diet is going well. being vegan not so bad. the cook (ellie) at the high noon cafe is making me a cheese cake tomorrow - she makes my fav. so i can't wait. it's oh so yummy- it's going to be raspberry- i would attempt to make one myself right now but i am currently on bed rest due to my placenta previa - my placenta is on my cervix and my spotting has picked up a little so i'm on bed rest for this week- and hopefully will be off next week. sorry if that was tmi for some. 

Obvioiusly God wants me at home - or at least resting. And i know full and well my life is not my own it is his. Plus i have this person i'm dying to get to know in my belly that i want to take care of. So God has been keeping me home more and more and more till finally i'm on bed rest. Which is fine. I really honestly want to do his will and want what he has for me. I wonder what exactly that is. Right now i sit and i listen and i wait. And am waiting for him to show me what he has. 

I do think i am going to paint today - i have an idea of what i want to do but am interested to see what happens. 

i turn 25 in less than 2 weeks. Riley keeps telling me my birthday is coming up. 

It's been really great to be home with her cause i am getting to see her sweet spirit and interesting personality .

This morning she told me "mommy when i this many i gonna be able to drive.....ooooh yeah"   the prolonged oh followed by the yeah is what really got me. I have been majorly blessed by my sweet family and am astonished and knocked on my back constantly humbled when i see their unconditional love - a shining example of jesus - what a testimony they are to me . If only i could shine as they do. and radiate like they - 

thanks for reading .

this month has been characterized by a constant sickness. 2 er visits in three weeks and a hospital admittance. After being in the hospital i am better. slowly gaining strength and slowly eating more food. One problem- no oils and no diary. basically i think i need to become vegi/vegan to survive this pregnancy. it's been very interesting and i'm hoping to stay out of the er and hospital for the next 5 months - the 6th i want to go so i deliver. =) hopefully i can get some kinda of diet plan down. we'll see how it goes. But at least i am doing better. i am uber greatful for that. At this point just trying to take it easy. thanks for the prayers.
And thanks for reading.

amazingly i'm still sick. i go to my new doc. on monday - which i am looking forward to trying someone new. we'll see how it goes. i am going to beg for a shot if this continues through the weekend. I'm currently taking phenegren so i can try and keep food down.
- I am still going to go out tonight with dave to our 10 great dates - not gonna little the being sick keep me inside anymore- tired of it.

Being sick has made me think less of myself somehow and more of riley. Sometimes i tend to think it's about my schedule and what i have to do versus it's really about her . I feel bad the days she's had to stay home with me cause i'm too sick to take her to school (but at least we have been together) . I'm trying to raise her up to be a woman of God. and that is going to take me looking more at my day at what can i do for her not what can i do for me and if she gets sick or misbehaves and i have to rearrange my day - then that is what the Lord has for me . if i miss my things so what - cause nothing is more important then what God has called me to do as a mother.
But it is still important to develop and show her what a christian marriage looks like and that takes taking time out to cultivate that relationship (i.e. tonight) . It's hard to keep everything in perspective a lot of times. But everyday and every moment is new and you continually get to make that choice every moment which is a pretty nice gift.


Right now it's raining and i hope by tonight it slacks up- i think being in a pool the majority of the week makes me hate getting wet when im in not in the pool- but a good rainey day is somehow relaxing. though i love the sunshine.

Tomorrow is valentines day and we are gonna be making chocolate covered strawberries and i kinda wanna do pancakes for dinner ( on my nice griddle i haven't ever used) - i think it'll be fun - i always love baking and cooking with the family.

anyways have a great v-day weekend.

thanks for reading.

communication and mis-communication.

crazy isn't it . he said she said and then they don't say anything and you read into it.
happens everyday. we assume. we assume when someone doesn't say something or do something.
we draw our own conclusions by what we think they think- which isn't right.
i'm guilty of it all the time.
sometimes maybe we should just not think.
but maybe it's good that we have to overcome pride and admit when we are wrong. or when we have misunderstood or assumed. because once again it reminds us that we are not perfect. only God is.

communication seems to be just such a huge thing . i really want to be a better communicator. but at the same time all i wanna do is listen. hmmm

but today my big thing is communication in a doctors office - i've been real sick lately. and i had to go get an iv to get my hydration back up and all. i'm very greatful the bebe is ok- cause i've lost about 7 lbs but it still looks healthy- praise-
anyways i'm just now being told that my doc. will not accept my insurence - after the fact that i've been seen and when i first made my appointment i was told that if i was a past patient she would accept it. yeah can you say mis-communication - i had to go through 4 people to find someone who finally told me the truth. But isn't it great we have people to communicate for us. I was able to get a case worker to take over for me and get to the bottom of it - to try and get them to file the claim. Amazing isn't it - i maybe aweful at communication but there are people out there that are good at it. And maybe even do it as a job. i'm thankful for those people.
I'm praying the little guy will prevail over big bad money hungry medicine people. we'll see.
But i did find a new doc. and i'm exciting bout meeting them next week. should be interesting. Just praying God leads us to the Dr he has for us .
I also am realizing and knowing that good and bad it's all a gift. another everyday choice to make.

I go back to work tomorrow and am trying to take it extremely easy and not do anything.
luckily i have an amazing husband who is ultra helpful and super duper sweet- very blessed.

Still praying through a lot and trying to make decisions about the next few months.
The months seem to be passing ultra quick.

Thanks for reading.

so i haven't updated in a while. i've been pretty busy. i started working at maley swim school teaching kiddos how to swim. it's been really fun but really exhausting. We found out the day before Christmas eve that we are expecting our second bebe. Which i am really excited about. i already got it some bedding for the crib i do not have for it , for the room it does not have. Yeah we still have not sold our house. We're waiting and will continue to wait until the Lord moves us. I'll find out in a about 5 weeks what we are having and i can't wait.
For the last week though, i have been sick. and i'm ultimately tired of it. I'm ready to be better and be back to normal. i'm counting down the hours till i have to leave my house and go to work and praying that i'll make it through the night alright.
I'm trying to learn how to take better care of myself and not run myself so thin.....not doing to hot a job - last week great example.
But i am learning that i cannot do any of this in my own strength. That i can't really do any of it.
I have to fully rely on him and dwell in him. Which is an everyday moment by moment choice. somedays are better others i fall miserably on my face..
When i feel like listening to music i've been listening to a lot of brook fraiser .
---Riley has a valentines day party with her school on wed and i'm super excited for her. we're gonna have cookies and i'm gonna try and pick up some things for the class before we go into work today. ---- also i'm getting to start a weekly date thing with david - we'll be going to cumc - where riley goes to school- on fridays for a session called 10 greatest dates - i thought it would be something fun to do since i 've been working so much and we haven't been able to spend a ton of time together - the first session is friday. so that's what i'll be doing for valentines day =) plus we're making chocolate covered strawberry's - yummo.

in two weeks we'll be having a womens retreat with our church and i'm supper duper excited.
i know this post is completely random thought-wise which maybe most of my posts are but i feel like this one is a little more.

Thanks for reading.

Right now it's snowing. I love it - so far we have gotten 3 inches. 

It's amazing - since we have lived in Florence it has snowed heavy 2 times - which is a lot for mississippi- and it's stuck - i'm gonna miss that i think. Below 20 ( an interstate in jackson that runs thru the state horizontally) it's a different world - we always get different weather than anywhere else in the state. Anyways it's been an awesome snow day- we played in the snow - had a small snowball fight with my daughter - made a snowman and took tons of pictures. Then we also have made frosty fav. cookies (sugar cookies with white chocolate and cinnamon on top. ) 

There is something so comforting about the snow. 

David got to  come home around lunch too - they let the state employee's go since it's getting so bad out - what with the snow and all =) 

I'm looking forward to curling up to a good book and enjoying the nicce weather and staying in. 

On wed . morning i go and teach a morning swim babies class - and before - after i've dropped of Riley at school i go to Mcdonalds and get a mcgriddle- my fav thing to do- i like to go inside and see the people and i just enjoy it i don't know why .Anyways last week the place was hopping a bunch of older women - around my grandmothers age all had gotten together and were eating breakfast and chatting it up - it was so fun to watch the friendship and all. I hope that when i'm that age i'll have those type friendships - Maybe Riley will still think i'm awesome and we'll still hang out =P 

David graduates next week- i'm so excited for him and looking forward to what God has for us. i'm so excited about the next chapter for our family. Thanks for your continued prayers . 

Also really excited that next month i'll have been Mrs. Sprayberry for 4 years now. 

i'm hoping later today we can go do snow angles . i think my classes are going to be canceled tonight (swim class ) so i'm actually looking forward to having a true day off and just getting to stay around the house - a nice surprise and blessing. 

thanks for reading =) 

i'm devastated.  The buyer for my house has backed out ..... But the house we are wanting and have been praying over - they are willing to extend the contract. 

I'm at a loss. 

I know without a shadow of a doubt who my God is . 

He is mighty. He knows All. He has plans to prosper me. HE is working right this moment. He parted the Red Sea. He calmed the storms and raging winds. He healed the sick. He calms the storm inside me .He calms my anxious heart. 

We were so close. and i feel like it all just got taken away . the rug taken from underneath our feet. I feel like we are back at stage one. David says we are just halfway there. Inspections done and such. I'm praying for a buyer . Someone who wants my house- needs my house. Obviously it was not her.   Heartbroken. I thought we were going to be in Jackson for Christmas. Crying with joy that this finally happened. I dunno where we will be now - Florence or Jackson. I totally believe we could still move by the end of the year. I'm not betting on it . I'm hoping for it. I trust him. I really do. But that doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt. It hurts. 

At least we still have graduation to plan for and celebrate. 

And things could be so much worse. 

So now i'm back to waiting again. I'm going to escape into a book this afternoon. 

As dave said humorously this afternoon- at least we didn't go ahead and sell our bed. ( we were selling some items on craigslist -cause we have some stuff in storage still ) 

My hope and trust is not in man but in God. I know what he can do - i've seen it. 

I know what he's done in my life. I will wait . Patiently for what he has. 

Maybe we'll still move this month. I really hope so. I really do. I think that would be one of the greatest Christmas presents we could ask for. 

Please continue to pray for us. And for the person God has for our house. 

Thanks for reading. 

So we got the house we were wanting. We close on both on Dec. 12th. We are super duper excited.  I can't believe we are actually going to move into town. Plus that i have to pack up this whole house. I'm a little overwhelmed with it but i know it'll work out. 

I can't wait.  I love the location and the house- and the best part is it's really move in ready- we don't need to paint or anything. 

David is home today- i think he got the stomach bug - he was sick all last night. not fun. 

hopefully he is feeling better today. 

Thanks for your continued prayers- We are really excited about starting this new chapter in our lives. 

And as always Thanks for reading. 

Waiting and trusting .........

so Yesterday a woman (her name is Kimberly) came and looked at our house...... And she liked it .......she liked it so much she made an offer right then and there. We have accepted that offer.

I'm a little in shock - i hoped and prayed it would be this soon. But i didn't really think it was this soon- i was just waiting.  Our Closing Date is Dec. 12th - that's right three weeks from now. 

We did find a house we liked and put in an offer last night - we're waiting to hear.  If they don't accept I'll be searching this weekend for a home. 

please continue to pray for us in this area. We take complete comfort in knowing that God WILL provide. I'm waiting to see what that will look like but know that whatever happens it is what is best. And i love that. 

I Knew and took  comfort that God was moving and doing something 

It's awesome to start to get see what he is going to do - i'm thrilled and so thankful he has given us this awesome opportunity. 

Big Changes are coming for our little family and i can't wait to see. 

This really is HUGE. 

And it's all GOD.

Please please continue to pray for us. 

So riley started not feeling well yesterday morning. by 11 she had a fever of 102.3 . she's never had a fever that huge-it was slightly unnerving. i hate when she's sick. anyway she spent the night with me in bed - poor thing was quite pitiful. But by this morning her fever had broke. She's naping right now and i'm praying we are officially out of the woods. 

I'm relaxing while she sleeps . And david has been straightening up my house ( i ran to the store to fill up our cabinets with food for the week). because we are having someone come look at it tomorrow. Pray for us. 

Though work maybe a bit slow right now i am thankful. I'm here sitting on my pretty blue couch in my house i want to sell ( not because i don't love it - because of location) and i am thankful. For my pretty big windows where the light just pours in. For the lovely yard that seems to sing with life and colour and warmth. thankful for the time i have that i can sit in peace. Literally feel peace. And that says a lot - cause i'm a pretty stressful person- i get anxious and stressed about the littlest things - it's quite silly. But i have this great peace- cause God is in control. I have this great peace cause i know everyday is a beautiful gift. Come January my time at home will not be as much as i'd like - though i won't be away as much as other moms- i'm blessed for sure- but still i'll be working more - so i have this great time to enjoy my home, my family and my husband. To enjoy this awesome gift. Yes i could sit here and complain how i wanna work i need to work and what all i could do - etc. And trust me i've done that - I've fought with God so much - ever seen a kid through a fit and the parents try to hold them to calm them down- Yeah i'm that kid most of the time- But i finally had enough fighting - got tired and said ok - fine - even if i'm not too thrilled i'm gotta act thrilled till i am thrilled. Trust me i still have my moments and it's everything i can do to not go off the deep end with every kind of thought - Anyways I'm greatful that i get this oh so precious time with Riley. I maybe busy in Jan and i will really enjoy it . But i am also really enjoying the fact that i can sit on my couch and read. and read. I can do my bible study when i want. I don't really have to be anywhere- What a rare moment for anyone- we are such a nation of go go go busy busy busy that we don't take time to just sit. I had the must wonderful time yesterday sitting on the porch with my pup and with my God . Sitting and enjoying his creation. Such a rare time . 

I am trying to take advantage of this time - cause i know it won't be long till i might get lost again in the business of things and the rush of it all and i get lost . But i want to take the time now so when that rush comes - i don't get lost. - i feel i've rambled way too much- hopefully this has made some sense. 

By the way Riley is doing a great job with potty training- the main reason she hasn't been trained yet was because of me - i was too busy to just take time out to help her...... sad. 

But she is doing awesome. I am oh so proud of my big girl. 

Riley is up from her nap and i think there are somethings i need to do around the house before david gets home- We are going out on a DATE! yes a DATE! we haven't been on a date in a very long time - it will be so nice to be able to spend time together and to be able to go eat somewhere - to sit down and have a meal - break bread together-   

back to life. 

thanks for reading. 

i got all my hair chopped off , and when i mean chopped i mean chopped - like no hair lower than my ears. all gone. so long. i think i'm really excited about this because last night at swimming i got drenched my the kids- my hair got so yet- no there is less to get wet. yay. isn't that silly- i'm going to be teaching kids to swim and i don't want my hair to get yet - i know i'm pretty silly. By the way i love teaching swimming- it's really fun to work with the kids and they are oh so sweet. I'm really excited to see what God is going to do. I'm very thankful for this opportunity. 

Riley has an amazing imagination. she's been carrying around a small baby penguin. and she also got a small pink kitty. she asks people what they think about them have they seen em. Now we also speak to our shadows- yeah like peter pan. it's really never dull. 

I was reading The grace awakening by chuck swindoll ( one of my fav.) and he talks at first about millions of murders in our nation- getting away with murder everyday. Now one of the murderers is Murderer  of Joy- and i think about Riley and her amazing imagination. I don't want to me a killer of joy, hope, love, any of those things. And David is amazing at encouraging her and developing her imagination- Because of his help and encouragement - we not only have a pet alligator that goes thru our house from time to time and our dog is now a shark. We also have pirates that frequent our yard and you get rid of them by throwing ice cream at them---- yeah i know pretty awesome. I wish i was that creative- I pray that my imagination can once again re-blossom and my creativity flourish so i can join in on the creative imaginative family. What a gift and a joy. 

thanks for reading. 

so today we are all suppose to be voting today and well i did not register to vote when i moved . I thought once you registered to vote you were good you didn't have to re-register and all- i was way wrong and missed out on a really exciting opportunity- ultimately disappointed and bummed out. But a really great lesson- Once again i don't know everything and i'm not as smart as i'd like to think. Yep talk about a slice of humble pie. After we move- if we move- hopefully we'll move - i'm registering again.
So i'm pretty selfish. I grew up in a pretty worldly family- my parents would kill me for saying that - but it's true - if you saw how we have lived - that is me growing up- and our lives you would see yup pretty worldly. My testimony even up till before i met my husband was well lacking greatly of Christ. Now don't get me wrong i was saved when i was in the 9th grade. But i did not understand the christian walk. I was pretty confused. I'm very greatful for the church i'm in now and the teachings and that my children can be brought up there. anyways back to my point selfishness- Yeah i'm pretty selfish- I grew up thinking it was all about me which makes for an interesting day to day struggle with my thoughts- And guess what i still act like that sometimes - well probally most of the time- And it's not about me. It's about Christ. my life is not about me and what i do and what i get and accomplish- it is about the work that Christ does in my life. This is a hard thing to grasp for me at times because like i said i'm selfish. I have been feeling very hazed - like i can't really think clearly and i'm having trouble really getting my sinful thoughts under control and really taking ever thought captive and giving it to the lord - big or small. So i'm planning on fasting on thursday- i know i should not be saying this because it kind of defeats the purpose of it being between God and myself- but i do not want any glory or praise for this. I am sharing this because maybe God can use this. I never really understood fasting but i just did a study on esther and felt a tug. I know you would not think that the story of esther would cause me to come to this matter but it has. I'm wanting to fast because i want to really focus on him . When the hunger sets in and the pains - to be reminded to focus on him and pray. I long for special time with him. For growing that relationship with my saviour- I want to get my focus off of myself. I want to really sit and listen.

I'm using the opportunity to clear my mind and heart.

I do desperately want to Glorify him and praise him. Shamefully though i have this aweful voice in the back of my head - and it's- i want people to say good job- your awesome- pats on the backs -stroke my ego please- i don't want to do things because i want people to see how awesome i am or think i'm awesome- because i'm not. i'm aweful. sinful. wretched. I'm ashamed of my behaviour and sinfulness and past- how ugly my life was without God and i'm thanful that i have a saviour that washes me clean and white as snow. because i was stained crimson red. I want when people look at me to see Christ and not I.
I'm not fasting to get things from him. I am fasting to shift my horrible focus from myself and the world to him.


I hate sin.... i despise the things of this world. I long for the fruits of the spirit. But ya know what if i was perfect and had all those things I would not need christ. And that is something i don't think i could live without. My favorite characteristic of christ is his faithfulness. God is faithful. I love that. I love that he is the same today, tomorrow , and yesterday- he is not fickle , he does not change with the times. He is God. how comforting is that in such a fickle world.
He is my comforter. I have moments where i wish i had someone to talk to (other than my husband and child. ) Someone to cry with when times are hard. But in times when i feel all alone- i can lean on him. I can cry to him- and he'll hold me in his righteous hand. NEATO!
Now don't get me wrong - i still crave for fellowship and friendship. And i still pray for that .
But sometimes satan can use that loneliness to get us to focus on ourselves. Which sometimes i do - i have a big old pitty party. How much better would it be if i praised God in those times. Instead of creating bitterness. It would be a lot better.

I ramble i know . I've probally gone down a million bunny trails.
I've got some work to do while Riley is asleep and i really wanted to start reading today during her nap time- I'm wanting to use my quiet time and down time for more preductive work and time to spend with my Abba. Untimed time. I should be making phone calls to schedule shows but i feel like i have more important things i can do that will really last.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouragement.



oh - Riley can now do a tumble (flip) by herself - unassisted- it's pretty awesome- She amazes me - i was reminded today that We (mothers/wifes) set the tone every morning for our house---- talk about humbleing. Anyways i think about that sweet little girl and what kind of tone am i setting for our home everyday and for her.

-Love-

I haven't written on this in forever- i'm not sure anyone other than my husband really reads this. Though this is meant more for me than for others to read but if i was completely honest i 'd say yeah i wish more read this.
So David has gotten a new job- PRAISE THE LORD! - and he graduates in Dec. Big changes are happening or are coming. We want to move back to Jackson for several reasons. The new job has kind of been the real pushing factor that got the ball really rolling. I'm still working from home but i'll be taking on another job come Jan. I'll be teaching swimming lessons to kids and babies. I love the water babies class. it's by far my fav. So big changes are coming- it's an exciting time because you really have no clue what's going to happen - but i'm really excited - David has worked really hard for all of this. (that's the big update about life. )
I've been struggling a lot with the whole issue of Control. I've been struggling with it for years and i'm finally really learning to let go. It's like a weight off my shoulder to really trust God. I should have done it earlier - when i didn't want to. But i got really convicted last month and have been trying to take more effort toward really releasing my grip and stop fighting with him. I am a failure though. But i honestly want to fully trust him and really show that.
Riley is growing well way to much. She has gotten rid of her paci and is potty training right now. She is so proud of herself and i'm pretty proud of her too. She is currently playing with my old doll house - her new fav. thing. and her reward for making big girl choices . The pressure is on to really bring her up in a Godly manner. I had an awesome mother in law and spiritual mother. awesome. and i'm really feeling the void - i feel so unworthy to even share her last name. It took time for that relationship to grow and right as it was really blossoming it got taken away. I crave a spiritual moma - no one can ever replace her or even measure close to her and that makes me not want another but i know that kind of relationship is important. I'm praying that if that's the Lord's will to bless me with that kind of relationship he'll bring it.
I have been blessed though with amazing women at our church that i can call for discipline advice and such. But i crave for more friendships- an area that i'm having to give to the lord. I long for close friendships with a lot of the women at church. I feel very distant - mainly due to location i think i dunno- maybe that will get better once i move to jackson. But lonliness is huge and i think i've always dealt with that since i was young. I'm needy. But that gives more opportunity to lean on Christ and build my relationship with him. I really sometimes don't know how to build relationships , or how to be a good friend- i'm trying to learn but i'm a little slow in that area and dumb. I like to think i'm oh so smart and know so much - but in actuality simple concepts and ideas i have a really hard time wrapping my mind around then sometimes my brain just doesn't click. And in the term of friends when i don't know how to act or say i think i come off mean and rude - once again learning.
Anyways i long for that friendship and i'm a little jealous of the other women and their bonds and conversations and friendships.
But i need to stop focusing on myself( i can be pretty selfish- my fleshy self is so humbling and well at times shameful.) and focus on Christ. Building that relationship. Listening . Learning. I've been longing to learn what kind of woman he wants me to be - who am i called to be - And i am so blessed with a current study about women in the bible - it's an amazing answer to prayer. I was so pleasently suprised with it. I think I'm going to start reading an elizabeth elliott book as well. I long ot have a quiet heart - and to really react In christ. not me . him.
Mary had such a quiet heart and spirit. And was so thoughtful. a servants heart- I long for that. Not because she was like that but because that is what a woman of God should look like- She was an awesome picture for me. She had her downfalls and she was not perfect but she loved the lord and it showed. If only my testimony could radiate that.
And not for my glory and but for God's .
Testimony- What God has done for me.... WHAT HE HAS DONE.
not how great am i look at me.
For it not to be about me.


Time to stop writing and get my little girl to bed.
Thanks for reading if you are out there .

So i traveled to oxford this weekend. Alone. And i love the long car ride by myself because it's quiet and i get time to think and reflect. I'm slowly realizing who i am. I know that's weird and all since i'm 24 - i probally should have figured that out sooner. But i spent most of my teenage years and earlier trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be or who i thought i should be. In that i figured out what i liked and what i didn't like. I wear the clothes i wear now not becasue i want someone to think i'm cool or it's what i'm suppose to wear but because i like it. i listen to the music i listen to because i like it. I am who i am. I still think i have a lot to learn about myself . I've had so many people kind of tell me who i am or what i am i never got a chance to figure it out for myself till well college and maybe that is were you are suppose to figure it out. maybe that's where everyone gets it - i just happen to be 24 out of college , married, and a mother. so i feel a little behind and a little ahead at the same point.

I'm reading this really great devontional - i hate the name - Daily steps for God Chicks. it's the chicks part i don't like i dunno. it's silly. there has only been one day where i had a problem with the book and it's was personally too close to home and i thought she totally was wrong in what she said......but that's another story. anyways i really like it cause right now the last few days she's been going on about how we are princess' and not in the it's all about me i'm a princess - in the it's not all about me - it's about my king who is wild for me! i love that - thinking that God is wild for me. And it asks these thought questions like what do you bring to God's team--- usually i shrug my shoulders and go i dunno. but i'm actually trying to think about these things cause it's important to know who i am in christ. but the princess thing that's how God sees us. Our father sees us not wearing rags but with royal clothing and a crown. He sees us with a crown on our heads. we are toyalty. being his daughter makes you a princess....regardless of what you feel like and regardless of your past. then she goes into detail about what that means for us .....that we have an obligation. when you understand that you are the loved-beyond-meeasure daughter of the king, you will live your life differently. When you understand that you are designed to serve humanity as God's princess, then you can freely give, and you have an obligation to do so..... That's just a little bit of it. But it has been good.

Time to go feed my daughter. 'night

i miss her so much. and i miss these moments.


sometimes it feels like a completly different life now.

i miss her. i miss her. desperately.

and yes i'm going to act like i'm 3 right now ........ it's not fair. not at all.

so my old roommate is getting married and i'm shooting her pictures in the morning. i love doing that. absolutely love it - it keeps me active in my gift. And i just love capturing those moments in time. I'm hopefully going to be updating my flickr with more pictures since i just dumped all my cards out onto my external drive. i miss flickr and spending all those times searching and looking at other peoples art and feeling like i'm somewhat sharing mine. Anways back to the wedding part. it's going ot be nice i think because it'll be a bunch of old friends and people from hattiesburg - one of the many towns i went to school at. So it'll be nice to see familiar faces and well feel loved. I have a great group of friends at church i dont' alwasy get to hang out with them but i really do have some good friends there. Outside of church my friend list has dwindled. Sometimes i wonder if i'm a bad friend or bad company. I hope not either. 

  David has started back school. which is always a little bit odd when he's been home. I'll survive though. He'll finish his degree in Dec. 

Hoping to take a few day trips this summer. To Laurel and one to Oxford. 

Riley's vocabulary has really opened up. She's talking more and more and her personality is really shining through. WE have been watching movies togetehr the last few days and The little mermaid and Finding nemo have been our most watched - i'm contemplating renting some for her. Also realizing how much disney really shifted my view of love and realtionships - i mean fairy tell weddings at the age of 16???? really????? yup all the princess' where 16! craziness. and it's ok to be disobedient and spoiled cause it all works out in the end =) 

But with all the taken and what i'll tell riley as she grows up and make sure she's not jaded or whatever - i do love a good disney movie and under the sea is a great song to dance to with my little girl =) . 

I have started gardening. yes me. my mother in law was a gem at it and i thought i might as well i can't be the other sprayberry woman not gardening. so i finally got my hands dirty. And i'm patiently wating for my flowers to bloom. i haven't killed anything new yet. and it's actually really rewarding. I'm hoping my sunflowers pop up ---- they haven't yet which is worrying but hopefully they'll make it everything else is coming up. so hopefully my mammoth flowers will join them and start poking their leaves out from underneath the dark ground. 

So Spring break is over and david is back at school for the next 8 weeks. He also starts his intership in may. Good news is he will be graduating supposedly in december which will be great. i cannot believe he will finally be graduating. Exciting times. Also in 2 weeks we will be traveling to New York. I'm a little nervous about going i've never been. Please pray that God keeps us safe. And that i trust in him. satan is def. trying to attack me and get me to doubt and worry and be fearful.
On the Riley front she is as cute as ever. When you ask her a question sometimes she goes" think think think" and brings her pointer finger up to her head and taps it- like winnie the pooh - it's adorable. and her new big thing is she wants to be a ballerina. She has a skirt that she wears all the time. Cuteness.

It's really easy to get so caught up in things - david with work and school, me with work . that we can easily miss things and not make time for eachother - marriage wise or as a family. Please pray that we continue to be aware of this and to make that time and remember what truly matters.